Abandon
by Baliansword
Summary: In the midst of their falling out, Alexander announces Hephaestion's half sister will be wed to Cassander, dispite Phae's disapproval. Upon her arrival, a seer predicts a dangerous prophecy, and an assassin attempts to murder the King and his lover.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Abandon

Author: _Baliansword_

Rating: M for sexual content and adult situations

Warnings: A/H

Chapter: 1 of unknown

Summary: Alexander betroths Hephaestion's half sister Myrihne to Cassander, despite Hephaestion's protests. Yet when Myrihne arrives in Babylon, Hephaestion questions whether distancing himself from Alexander was the right decision.

Tagline: Is blood thicker than water?

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There were many things about him that I could not understand, even after knowing him for most of our lives and becoming his close confidant. Yet what I did not understand another did, whether it be another of the Companions, or perhaps his mother home in Pella, or even Bagoas, who despite being the thorn in my side gave my Alexander some comfort. And even should no one else know, Alexander knew, and that was enough to keep him going, and to give me solace in these matters. However, I think that this decision was even beyond even his rational. It would have been one thing were this any other. That is to say, at least it would have meant less to me if it would have been another. Thinking back I do not ever recall him being so quick to make a decision like this, or so foolish. Yes, foolish, and I was the only one to say such a thing to him, and now he stares me down as if I had rammed a sword into his side whilst he was turned and looking the other way. Perhaps that would not have been such a bad idea. At least then he would have paid me some attention before this point. All watch him now, watching me, and I know what they are wondering. What will Alexander do now that his precious Hephaestion has questioned him? No, now that he has openly defied his wishes in front of all of the Companions. Yes, what will Alexander do?

"Hephaestion," he asks, attempting to smile though I know he cannot believe that I have betrayed him, for in a sense that is what I have done. Or at least this is what he thinks I have done and it will remain burned into his memories in such a way for the rest of his life. I continue to stand in the back of the crowded room where I have always stood, silently listening and thinking, waiting for another to say the wrong words. However, this time I am the one that has said the wrong thing, and so far, no one has leapt up to defend him as I would have. Yet I suppose their current silence is enough of a defense, because it says that they agree with him and that my concerns should be abandoned.

"We will talk privately," the king then decides, turning his attention away from me for the time being. This gives me enough time to release the breath that I have been holding. I am not afraid of him, not as other men are, but I know that to cross him is comparable to cursing Zeus. He turns his attention back to the rest of the Companions, some of whom are releasing their own breaths, and I even hear Ptolemy swallow. He attempts to glance over his shoulder at me, pretending to stretch, but Alexander begins talking before he can toss at me a look that would ask me if I needed him to distract Alexander. I would have shaken my head in a soft 'no' had he been able to complete the gesture, however, Alexander was going on about bringing his mother to Babylon. Over and over she had asked for this, and he had denied her each and every time. This time she had gone even around me and had sent a letter to Ptolemy, who was fool enough to have brought it up the night before.

"…and only when I am sure that her presence will not stir anything up in Babylon will I allow her to be brought," Alexander finished, leaning back heavily in his chair. Sometimes the Companions were able to see the weight of the world he had conquered on his shoulders. This was one of those times. We all knew that he loved her, at least as much as a troubled son who ran across the world to be rid of her could, but we also wondered if she truly loved him. There were times when I myself, reading her letters, questioned this. At times I thought she wanted power that she could never have been given under Philip's tight control and that she would seek it from Alexander, knowing she could convince him to give it to her. Yet at other times she seemed only lonely, so very lonely, and only wanted to wrap her son, her only remaining ally, in her arms and hold him.

"Of course," Ptolemy nodded, wishing that he had not let the matter reveal itself last night. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair but was finally able to look over his shoulder at me. I had set my hands over my chest and was chewing on my thumbnail, nothing out of the ordinary, but he knew what it meant. He would have said something else to Alexander, made up some ration situation with the grain, or complained about how the horses had been shod, but I shook my head slightly. It was unnecessary. I did not need to buy myself more time, for Alexander was not going to forget this issue. I would not let him.

"You have my orders," Alexander then said, rising from his chair, lifting his cup with him. He waved them off like this many times and as always they said quick goodbyes before leaving us. I remained, knowing that I was not supposed to move, and stared at him. He looked at me with dark eyes for a moment and then sat down. Perhaps he was disappointed with me, and I knew he was angry, but he tried to soothe his own angers before he spoke. I watched as he ran a hand through his golden hair and as he drained the rest of the contents in his glass. He drew a quick breath in before shaking his head at me and faintly laughing.

"You should not have done that," he said, still shaking his head. He then stopped and looked at me again. "I know that I did not tell you of these plans, but you should be pleased. You and I both know what it is that men look for in wives and that she does not fit these desires. Besides, you've barely spoken with her. How do you know that she would not want this? Hephaestion be reasonable, think of her before you think of yourself. Do you think I do not know what this is really about," he then asked, raising an eyebrow. "You wouldn't object if I offered her to Ptolemy. I don't even think you would have objected had I randomly selected some Athenian from the foot soldiers!"

"You did not speak with me about this because you already had made your mind up that my opinion on the matter would not count," I threw back at him. I knew that this hurt him. Ever since Bagoas had come between us things had been different. He'd seen the error in assuming that in my older age I would no longer want him and that I should instead want to take a wife and have an heir, which was his dream when we stopped sharing a bed, which was far from true. In fact, I allowed Drypetis to have her own lovers outside of our marriage, which was a sham in itself. But in seeing the errors he had made Alexander had tried to rekindle our romance. It started with looks, and then gentle touches as he would walk past me in a crowd, and just a few nights before we had met in his chambers to discuss a letter he had received from Aristotle. There was still no sharing of the bed. Everything we had been building I feared I had just ruined with my statement, but it needed to be said.

"I did not mention it to you because I knew that you would turn it against me," Alexander protested, his voice getting louder. He was up and pacing now, cursing under his breath. I had known for months what he wanted from me. He wanted the old Hephaestion, the one that he had grown up with who would never speak against him and who would unquestioningly stand at his side like an obedient dog. I wanted to be that as well. I wanted to close my eyes at times and forget that any of this was happening.

"I am not turning it against you," I answered pleadingly, wishing that he could see what this would mean for not only me, but for her. I moved forward and blocked the path in which he paced, forcing him to look at me. "I have never questioned your graciousness Alexander, and I do not even question it now. It would be a great honor for her, but it could also be a curse. Not only do I disagree to it on my behalf, but on hers as well. Cassander is not a suitable husband."

"Why," he asked, placing a hand on my chest to move me backward. He did not do it to anger me, but rather so that he could walk around the grand table and pour himself another cup of watered wine. As he did this I admit to rolling my eyes. When conversation could not end his troubles he would turn to blood or wine. "He is of a high birth and is not only a great soldier but also a Companion, one that I can somewhat trust, and he is wealthy. He can provide her with a home…"

"He will provide her with a life of sorrow as he leaves her at home to tend to children while he goes off womanizing every doe-eyed girl that passes him by. You don't even trust him to carry messages for you. How are you going to look at me and tell me that you would trust him with my sister?"

"Myrihne is your half sister," he corrected, quite pleased with himself for doing so. He then sighed, realizing that the more he fought with me the more we were separating again. He sat, the cup in his hand, and again ran a hand through his hair, a sign of his troubles.

After thinking he went on, "Myrihne has none of your outer beauty; she takes on after your father. Setting aside that fact, she is very close to being Amyntor's bastard. Had you not asked my mother to step in, that is how it would have been years ago. She is also, according to Olympias, 'bland and boring not only in looks but in thought and speech'. And if you could find a man that would look past that, we must remember that she has been wed twice and has lost two husbands in odd circumstances. Some even rumor that she might have killed the second."

"She did not," I spat, but I did not know this. If the entire truth be told, I did not even know about the second marriage. I could not blame her for not inviting me, or at least even writing me about it. I had been with Alexander for years, so far from home, and she knew little of me before that. She was nine when I left to cross the sands into Siwah with Alexander and I had only seen her about five times previous to the day we left. I sent money to her mother when I began receiving the salary of a soldier. When I came into wealth, which Alexander forced upon me more than I accepted it, I sent this directly back to Athens to be directly delivered into her hands. She wrote a few times initially, but after her first marriage I had not heard from her.

"You know how rumors spread," Alexander warned. He took another drink and then set his cup down. "Myrihne will do fine with Cassander. Besides, it will take her months to travel to Babylon. It will give him time to get women out of his system, and if he chooses to take a mistress, who doesn't?"

"Men that love their wives," I answered smartly. It was also a personal jab at his emotions. He played with my emotions constantly, so I might as well return to him the favor. Alexander laughed, which I did not expect. He then looked at me again, the fire dancing in his eyes.

"She will wed Cassander!"

"She will not," I screamed, liking the feeling. "I will keep her from him at all costs, and from you for the matter, even if it means hiding her from you!"

I would have been screaming outside for days had I known that it felt so good. I could understand now why I always saw Cassander storming down hallways screaming. Maybe he wasn't as angry as I would have thought. Maybe he was just venting. After I noted my defiance Alexander stared at me. I couldn't tell if he was shocked that I had said it, that I had screamed, or perhaps it was both.

"You have no right," he forewarned, pointing at me. "It will be an honor for her to wed someone so close to me."

"No," I said again, leaning over the table between us, looking him directly in the eyes so that he could see the seriousness in my face. He was not one to back down though. He continued to look at me, and then he reached out. I half expected him to punch me, which I might have deserved, but instead he grabbed my right arm. He then pulled hard, forcing me to jerk forward, my stomach crashing onto the table, and he pulled me closer. His lips smothered mine and he pulled me forward. Alexander wound a hand in the hair at the nape of my neck and clung to me, sliding his tongue over my lower lip until I parted and allowed his tongue entrance into the dark cavern of my mouth. He moaned against me as his lips continued to work their magic on me.

I hadn't been with a man, with anyone, since Alexander and I had gone through our falling out. I cannot say that at this very moment I was not dying in wait for his touch, begging for his attention, yearning deep in my loins for sexual release. Denying it would only be a lie, for as inevitable as it was, I was not expecting this moment ever again. I wondered if I was to set aside my anger, or if instead I should continue to let him embrace me. Should I keep my mouth open to him, or refuse him; I did not know. I so badly wanted him to be mine once again, but not at the price of my sister, half or not. But damn being right or wrong and curse loving and hating, I knew what I wanted, and it was him. I wanted this. No, I needed this one last time, for if we were to part after this I would want it to be fresh in my mind that he had loved me at one time. I needed to believe that he had loved me just before I stood my ground and defied him.

I began to back away from him, and he let me. He let his hand fall away from my hair and stared at me, his lips bruised from their force over my own, as silent as ever. He had not heard the sound of footsteps in the hall, but now the page had entered the room. He carried with him a tray, as if to clean the Companion room, and as he entered Alexander lifted a hand. The page quickly disappeared and in this time Alexander had not once looked away from me. Instead his eyes were locked on mine and his chest still rose and fell quickly.

"Myrihne will not wed him," I told him, my defiance still shocking. I could barely believe myself that I was saying this. I knew, somewhere deep down, that Alexander was only trying to help Myrihne, and somehow was also trying to repay me for something. He did this often, with gifts and gold that I would never use or need. I wanted none of it; I had only ever wanted his love and friendship.

"You will be at the feast tonight," Alexander ordered as I made my way to the door. I stopped, hand ready to push the door open, and looked over my shoulder at him. His eyes had still not left me. I frowned but refrained from saying any more. I had said all that needed to be said in that moment. In silence I left, making my way through the palace of Babylon. I stopped only when I reached the gardens, just a few steps outside from the chambers that Alexander had set aside for me. Sighing I walked amongst the flowers and vines. It was said that years before Darius' birth one of his great grandfathers had ordered the garden to be planted for his queen, who missed the flowers in her mother's garden. I suppose no one could know if it was entirely true, but I believed it.

I remained in the garden until night fell. Inside of the palace I could hear the feasting, but outside it had grown deathly silent. The birds had long since left me in silence and the jaguar that remained on a golden chain had wandered back into his cage for his night's rest. I felt for him. I knew what it was like to be in a cage. Something crashed inside of the grand dining hall, causing enough ruckus that I could hear it even outside. I glanced over my shoulder, thinking of Philip and his drunken parties and cursed under my breath. Ptolemy must have heard me as he approached, a silver cup in hand and a ornamental wreath on his head, complete with dark red berries.

"He sent pages to your room," Ptolemy said, interrupting my peace and sitting down beside me on a bench I'd commandeered. "Imagine what that took for him. Not to mention, they found that you were not there. The whole palace is on lockdown under his not so secretive orders, no one in, and no one out. Luckily all of the guards were able to tell him that you had not left."

"He'll be drunk enough in another hour. He'll forget it all by morning."

"He's furious," Ptolemy warned me, drinking from his cup as if he'd never left the party. "Alexander wants to look for you himself. I can see it in his eyes. Besides, he's about to have a damned panic attack again. You remember the last one."

"He's fine," I said again, reaching out and taking the cup from him. I drained the rest of its contents before handing it back to him."His last panic attack was during the day. And he wasn't drunk."

"Go get dressed; don't make me say it again or I'll treat you like a child."

"One more night of this horse piss and I think I'll throw myself from my balcony," I muttered, standing.

"That's why he didn't give you a room with a balcony," Ptolemy laughed, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. He clapped me hard, partly because he was proud of me, and partially because he was about to stumble over his own feet. "Go put something on, and make it sensual. Make him ache in his loins for you."

"Shut up," I said, pushing him away from me for a moment. As I entered my rooms I noticed that Ptolemy had stumbled off by himself. He would be fine. Even in his most drunken stupors he managed to get to where he needed to be. And in the morning he was one of the few men that would seem fine.

After entering my room I threw myself onto the bed, hoping to feel its comforts for just a moment. However, I knew that there was truth in what Ptolemy had said. Alexander was likely more than restless at this moment and would soon be creating new wars over my disappearance. It was odd for him to hate me so much at times but to still keep a close watch on me. But it was his nature. And I can't say that I didn't keep a guard of my own posted on him when I was not speaking to him.

I went to a clothes chest and removed the hardbound book that I had placed on top of it. I had found it in Darius' library, written by one of his scribes, and thought it would be interesting to read his philosophies. However, it almost put me to sleep. It was not that he did not have good ideas, but there was no fire in what he wrote, there was no passion. Alexander's scribes loved him for the same reason that his men loved him, he knew how to speak, and this allowed scribes the ability to write. After setting the book aside I went back to the clothes, searching for something that I had long gone without wearing. Removing the Persian cloth from my body I took the garment that I held and put it on. I checked my appearance only once and after removing the liner from my eyes left the room.

I made my way through the winding hallways, but it would have been impossible to get lost. Any soul could have followed the sounds of laughter, shouts, and breaking plates and found the grand dining room. Entering, I saw Ptolemy flirting with some young girl pouring him more wine. I smirked, knowing that he truly wanted to find to love, but if he continued to do it this way he never would. He raised his cup to me and then went back to what had truly caught his attention, a hand on his crotch. I laughed but further entered the room, making my way past numerous dancers, servants, generals, and other important military figures. Alexander was nowhere to be seen, but I knew that at any moment I would hear him knock something over.

"You're trying too hard," someone said from behind me. I turned around to face Cassander, who clearly had hogged at least an entire pitcher of un-watered wine to himself. He seemed pleased with himself; I didn't know if he was more pleased about having my sister, about causing another rift between Alexander and I, or if he was just pleased with irritating me.

"What would you know about it," I asked, shoving him away from me. Usually he would shove me, but I was furious and it was the other way around this time. Cassander took the shove and raised his cup in a mock toast.

"I cannot wait to ravish your sister."

I would have let his comment go had it been another day perhaps, but it was a combination of my frustrations that led me to lash out at him. I reached out and grabbed a piece of his chitin, pulling him close before shoving him into the nearest wall. While crashing to the ground he managed to attempt to catch himself on the table, with only brought the cloth and its contents down with him. Wine spilled onto the floor, staining his crème chitin and soaking his hair, and grapes and other fruits scattered out around him. Smirking I looked down at him and without saying it warned him never to say such a thing again. However, I heard silence surrounding me. In most of these fights between us it would be over with a quick hit, but the party never stopped around us. It could only mean one thing. As I turned I came face to face with Alexander.

"Say nothing," he warned sternly. He then tossed a glare to Alexander, who stood up and slipped away. Alexander turned away from me as well and began to leave, but then paused. I was meant to follow him. Muttering a curse under my breath I followed as he went back to his couch. He was fuming on the inside but did not want others to know, so when we approached the couch he motioned for me to sit with a quick point. I did so, sitting to his right, which was not far from ordinary. He had a slave pour him another drink and then ordered him to pour me one as well. I would not drink it, however, Alexander already knew this. So, he pushed me into his own corner.

"Hephaestion Amyntor," he toasted boldly, "to your sister Myrihne and her happy marriage with Cassander."

Others raised their cups around us. Ptolemy, who had seemingly made his way back to the couches, hesitated but ended up raising his as well. I watched Alexander and narrowed my eyes. I then raised my cup in toast as well. The others drank on Alexander's command, however, I waited. I waited until all of the others had finished and then set my cup down, full. Alexander raised an unmasked eyebrow in my direction, furious with me.

"I'm retiring," Alexander announced, shooting me another look before rising. Ptolemy swallowed, suddenly sober, and watched as Alexander pointed at me. I knew what he meant. I picked up the cup of wine, though I cannot say why, and winked at Ptolemy. Cassander, cleaned up, was leaning against a column as I stood and made my leave, following Alexander. He was my king. I could only deny him so much. Clearly I could not deny an audience with him, as I was his general.

We entered the hallways and made our way to his chambers, which were on the highest story of the palace, complete with an elaborate balcony. Alexander waved the guards away, ordering them to stay at the far hall. They were to let no one pass, less there be a revolt to be heard of. The three guards nodded and quickly left, allowing him entrance to the room. They made no contact with me as they passed and I followed Alexander into his room.

"Shut the door," he ordered, taking the cup from my hand before turning away. I did as I was ordered and shut the door. I then began to turn before he instructed me to lock it. I turned again and drew the lock down in silence. When I turned to face him he was gone. I ran a hand through my hair before padding through the main room and into the bedroom where he was disrobing. He threw his Persian robe aside and quickly made not of my presence. Crossing his arms over his chest he shook his head.

"You have never asked much of me," he noted sourly, a hit of bitterness mixed in. I saw that his fingers were twitching. Something was troubling him, and Ptolemy was right, he was about to go into another one of his panics. However, after his last panic he shut himself away in his rooms for nine days. He would not even let me enter his bedroom at that point, but I was able to speak to him from the main room. If something was troubling him now it would have made more sense for him to lock himself away again. He would not throw a lavish feast.

"No," I answered in agreement, "which is why I cannot understand why you will not grant me this one thing. She is a half-sister, but still a sister, and he is Cassander. You know somewhere in your mind that your approach to this is only an attempt to lash out at me."

"It is not that," he insisted, shouting and causing me to swallow the rest of my words. "It is…it does not matter, she is already on her way. I sent for her long ago. She should arrive tomorrow or the day after. You are not to leave the palace until then, under any circumstances. Do I make myself clear?"

"No," I once again defied. "Why can I not leave?"

"It does not matter," he whispered, "just leave me. I'll send for you when I wish to speak to you again. Until then, do not leave."

"As you wish," I spat, practically biting my own lip to keep me from saying something vile to him that I would later regret. I left as he ordered, slamming his door purposely behind me, and vowed that even if he summoned me I would not come. This vow was broken the next morning.

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A/N: To be continued. Let me know what you think. This is a longer post, since "Gone" has been getting shorter and shorter in post length. Also, I have not updated "Gone" in some time because I haven't decided how to end it. However, for those reading it, an end will soon come. Thank you all for your continued support.

Baliansword

Michelle


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Abandon

Author: _Baliansword_

Rating: M for sexual content and adult situations

Warnings: A/H

Chapter: 2 of unknown

Summary: Alexander betroths Hephaestion's half sister Myrihne to Cassander, despite Hephaestion's protests. Yet when Myrihne arrives in Babylon, Hephaestion questions whether distancing himself from Alexander was the right decision.

Tagline: Is blood thicker than water?

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I awoke not to the sounds of the birds outside, but instead to the ramblings of a young page that had been sent to wake me. I do not know how long he spoke before I began to register that he was in my chambers, but I was indefinitely ignoring him. It had been a long time since I had slept in the nude and I was not embarrassed, not in front of a page, yet had it been another I might have taken it upon myself to pull a sheet over my nudity. Instead I rolled onto my side, pulling the sheet over my head, and bade the boy leave me to my sleep. However he was persistent, claiming that Alexander would kill him if he did not drag me to his chambers immediately, and I could no longer listen to his whining. As I opened my eyes and rubbed the sleep from them I noticed that he was dear looking, not quite as rigid as Alexander now was, nor as old as I now appeared. He had a youth about him, staring at me through his emerald eyes, and I knew by his dimples and the dark curls of hair that fell to his shoulders that he was from a Theban state. Attractive, but there would be no warmth in my bed. I had long since given such ideas up, not because I no longer held a desire for sex, but instead because I felt it for only one person that I was now incredibly distant from.

"Hand me that," I told him, pointing to the chitin that was carelessly thrown onto a sitting chair. He did as he was asked and brought it to me and I dressed, though I admit to taking my time. Though my protests of abandoning Alexander altogether were null in void, I was not going to rush upon him.

"What is so important," I asked the page as I entered the hallway with him at my side. As I did so I noted that the servants were making sure to keep their heads down, eyes to the floor as they'd long ago been taught. I also noted that many of the other generals were awake, the doors to their rooms open as servants cleaned up their messes from the night before. I knew by the smell of dew that I had not overslept, in fact, I would be the only one awake at such an hour.

"I do not know," the page informed me, carefully choosing his words which led me to believe that he knew more than he was willing to give away. Like most, he feared Alexander's wrath. However, like most he also trusted me more than he ever would his fearless King. "There is an old woman with him, blind, a seer perhaps."

"Perfect," I muttered as the guards stepped away from his doors and let me enter. They did not need to announce me because not only did they know that I was coming, but they still believed that I had full access to the king's rooms. He had seldom ever denied me, and even after the last of our fights he forgot to mention to them that I was no longer to enjoy his company. Upon entering I saw that the page was right, and a blind seer stood in Alexander's sitting room, holding on to her walking stick and mentioning something to him that I could not hear. I was not one for prophecy when I was young, and it had not grown upon me as I got older. Alexander, on the other hand, breathed legends and prophecies like mortal men breathe air.

"It is early for the Sight," I said, not to be rude but rather instead as a greeting to the old woman as I reached out and placed a gentle hand upon her shoulder. She seemed shocked by this and gasped, jerking her shoulder away. She must not have heard me approach. "Forgive me," I quickly apologized, "it was rude of me not to better announce myself."

"You need no introduction," Alexander insisted, motioning for me to sit down beside him. Sometimes I hated my obedience, but never in front of company. I sat down beside him, taking a handful of dried berries from the platter on the center table, deciding I might as well make a meal out of this. Whatever this woman had come to say, she'd come far. Her clothing was haggard and smelled of dust from travel, not from sleeping on the streets like most. What I hated most about the Sight was there is nothing factual to support the claims of those that say they have it. If something happens it could well be by coincidence, and if it does not they always say their warning changed the future. Blast it all, it ruined a perfectly good dream I was having.

"He is the one," the croon announced, pointing a frail bony finger at me, her white eyes blinking as I plopped a dried fig into my mouth. I swallowed and glanced at Alexander, who seemed slightly perturbed that I was eating. I could do nothing to please him anymore; I might as well get used to it.

She went on, "He is the man that I have asked of you to bring. Hephaestion Amyntor, son of Amyntor, general in Alexander's grand army."

"There has been a great warning," Alexander explained, filling me in as I finished the fruit in my hand and took a cup of water to wash it down with. "The seer has come across the sands to seek me out, to warn me about what she saw. Say again sister what you said to me."

"Under the protection of a king, a drop of blood will not be thicker than water. In the home of a king, a lover will be lost to darkness. The king will fall in sorrow, and the Empire will mourn the loss of a period of time."

I waited to listen for Alexander's next words, but instead he continued to look at her as if she'd just spoken words that would decide his fate. Yet for Alexander, these could very well be his fate spoken, since he believed in it so much. Sighing, I ran a hand through my bed-ridden hair and then leaned back. I was unsure of what he wanted for me to do at this point. He'd already heard this, and my opinion was very low to him. He motioned for the pages to come forward and escort her out, which they did. This left only Alexander and myself in the room, and he barred the door to keep others out.

"A lover will be lost to darkness," he said spastically, raking his hands together to try to calm himself down. I knew what he was thinking. He had already decided that the lover was no other than myself and that he, clearly, was the king. I smiled to myself, but decided that ignoring this would be the best course of action. However, he thought differently. This was the panic that Ptolemy had noted, and I knew this now as I watched him scratch the backs of his arms with his nails.

"Let it go," I advised, unsure if I was meant to speak, but I decided to do so. "There are a hundred old women that would line the halls of the palace to give you information, considering the rewards that you offer them. I know what you are thinking, and it does not mean that there is danger."

"I've already sent for your sister," he said, turning to face me. It was almost a slap in the face, had I not already suspected this. Alexander was no fool, but at times he underestimated those around him. He could attempt to keep this secret from me, and could have done a fine job had I not received the letter from Olympias that he had tried to intercept. The truth to pages is simple –they appreciate those who appreciate them. This is how the letter fell into my hands.

"I know," I told him, my voice trailing off. He turned to look at me and raised an eyebrow. He should have known by now that the letter had arrived, and worse, that I had possession of it. I do not know why, but I had burned it –perhaps to keep him from thinking his page had helped me- and he would never know what things Olympias had told me in secret.

"You know?"

"You have been unable to keep your secrets from me since I found out your first one," I answered, ignoring the look of disgust that he gave me. He seemed to appreciate my insight when it was for his betterment, for his snooping purposed, yet when they suited my own it seemed to be my own personal curse. Shaking his head he stopped the pacing that had once again taken over his thoughts and he plopped down on a couch across from me.

"I need to explain," he began, but after a moment he had stopped speaking entirely. Instead he ignored my presence and stared at a wall for a moment. Then, as if the wall spoke and reminded him that I was there, he turned his eyes back upon me. For the first time in months I felt as if he was actually looking at me –not the general, the man that spoke against him, but just as me, Hephaestion.

"How angry are you with me?"

"You will never change," I said, instead of giving him a direct answer. I did this on purpose, for he would have to listen to me this way. If I merely answered him I knew that he would let it go over his head completely and then he would forget I ever said anything at all. "You have done this since you were a boy. Offend those closest to you and only when they have left your presence, when they are about to throw away your friendship forever, do you ask if you have wronged us –or worse, you ask for us to judge how offended and wronged we are! For the gods should forbid my feelings to be trampled on!"

"I do not mean…"

"But you do," I shouted, cutting him off. "For years you tiptoed around the wishes of your father, around those of your mother, but it never mattered if you burned me. How angry am I with you, you ask? What do you want me to say? I am more insulted than hurt, I believe, insulted that my sister is not allowed to be defended by her brother. If this were your sister and I wanted to wed her off you would slap me, call me a fool, and then laugh about it over drinks with the other generals."

"I want her here because my mother is preparing to have her killed," he said quietly, and even through my belligerent screaming I could hear him. I stopped speaking, the fool I was, and stared at him. I felt suddenly cold, and I remained completely still as I stared at him, still unable to say anything. He raised an eyebrow and then reached forward, taking a cup of watered wine and drinking it, careless of the hour of the day.

"I found out three months ago," he went on after clearing his throat. "My mother has a lover. Can you believe it, a lover that is said to practice the dark spells of Hades? Of course you knew," he said after glancing at me for a quick second. "She fears that your sister has caught his eye, and wise as she is, she knows that the best way to stop a threat is to kill it. Myrihne trusts Olympias, so as you can imagine it was going to be quite easy for her. I was doing her a favor by bringing her here," he spat, standing and approaching the balcony. He did not step outside, but looked out nonetheless.

"I couldn't just bring her though, it would look too odd. So instead I approached Cassander, who you are right, has no intention of marrying. And I asked him to do me a favor, and moreover, to help you," he stated. "Cassander will marry her, will support and protect her, and all would be well. She would be free to find a lover if she wished, as he would…so it would be the very arrangement you fear. But you must believe me when I say that I was only trying to help, and," he added, "surprise you. I thought that seeing your sister after all of these years would please you."

"Why does she need to wed _him_?"

"Who would you rather me have chosen? Ptolemy, who thinks he is in love with that slave girl; he would marry her tomorrow if he felt the urge. Would you ask me to take his right to happiness away? Or how about Perdicass? Ajax? I could not do it to them, to any of the other Companions, and Aphrodite knows many of them are already escorting pregnant wives through the gardens. Cassander has no intention to wed, and your sister has a certain…"

"Reputation," I filled in for him rubbing my tired eyes. I had never wanted to fight with Alexander, and I definitely did not wish to fight with him now. As usual, his heart was in the right place, even if the ends did not justify the means. I stood and left him then, without even saying goodbye. I just started walking. I made my way back to my chambers where I flung the door shut and meandered to my bed, collapsing on it immediately. Sighing, I pulled a nearby sheet over my head. I would deal with the world later; others slept in on a daily basis so I might as well have the opportunity. However, I would be unable to sleep, which I soon found out.

"It would be better if you ignored whatever it is you are feeling," Cassander said, sitting in some corner of the room in secrecy, explaining why I had not seen him. For a moment I didn't want to move, but finally I rolled onto my back and sat up momentarily before collapsing back down again. He was like the rashes that men in the barracks got on these campaigns –they would be there from time to time, and when they weren't everyone was pleased, but they were unforgiving when they came back.

"She is yours," I told him, hoping he would leave. However, he did not move from his spot. Instead he stood up and came closer, noisily dragging a chair with him. Cursing under my breath I then said, "Go away; find some other to annoy."

"I only want to fuss over my moody brother-in-law," Cassander snorted, placing his boots on my bed, which subsequently put them on one of my knees. I muttered something but he was bust eating a piece of bread and cheese. I hoped he found it in my room, under the bed, covered in hair from Darius' most private areas…but it appeared fresh. Smirking, his most frustrating gesture, he leaned closer and placed a hand on my forehead –which I quickly pushed away.

"You sister is in good hands," he then told me, almost serious. "I'm really here to see you, for I am concerned. You are hurting morale, and the thing is I don't even think you've come to notice it yet."

"Alexander will be fine in a few days. He has heard a new reading of the Sight and it troubles him, like all of the others."

"Olympias will be coming to the wedding," Cassander then said, keeping my attention momentarily. "I wonder if she will bring this new beau of hers with her, the one they say your sister has ensnared between her legs. Oh, don't look harshly at me, I am only repeating the rumors that I have heard."

"Where do you hear such things," I resentfully spat, rolling away from him and covering my head with a pillow. It did not drown out the sound of him laughing.

"The couriers bring not only news, but rumors, Hephaestion Amyntor. I thought that you would suspect such a thing. Anyway, I heard it from that messenger that Ptolemy likes so well, you know, the one with the peculiar purple hued eyes. I forget his name; it does not matter that you do not know their names, they answer to anything that you call them. But he said that your sister is not as plain as Olympias would have others think. In fact, they say that she might be more beautiful because…well, never mind. We shall see soon enough. Yet the rumor, the rumor is that she killed her second husband and that she has crossed paths with this man-witch that Olympias has sunken her Harpy claws into."

"Stories are for fools."

"Then why do you and Alexander sleep with the Iliad under your pillows? That, my friend, is a story," he explained, rising and opening the drapes that prevented the sun from touching me. Outside I heard the large cat asking to be fed. Perhaps he would have a taste for Cassander. "They wrote everything down wrong, to make certain men look better. That is the way all history is."

"Cassander…"

"Hmm?"

"Go away," I requested. He laughed for a second and then nodded. He took the chair that he had brought over to the bed and placed it back where it belonged. Yet before he left he came and pulled the pillow away from my face. Leaning down he kissed me on the mouth, not in a loving manner but rather as a man claiming a prize would, and ran a hand over my hair.

"Try to be pleasant," he warned of me. "Alexander will turn against even you if you force him to."

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A/N: Let me know what you think. As always, thank you for reading and for your reviews. They are greatly appreciated and always help writers.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Abandon

Title: Abandon

Author: _Baliansword_

Rating: M for sexual content and adult situations

Warnings: A/H

Chapter: 3 of unknown

Summary: Alexander betroths Hephaestion's half sister Myrihne to Cassander, despite Hephaestion's protests. Yet when Myrihne arrives in Babylon, Hephaestion questions whether distancing himself from Alexander was the right decision.

Tagline: Is blood thicker than water?

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As I had been told to do I remained in my room for five days before I was about to lose my mind. Alexander did not come to check on me, but he did make it rather hard for me to leave. Yet he did make sure that I was brought food on ornate trays and that from time to time a page would check in on me. I did begin to note, however, that the page was always very, very young and close to weak, weak enough that he would barely be able to hold a weapon against me. Others would have thought it was entertaining, however, I found it ridiculous. Alexander believed far too much in these false oracles, and it made me tired. It made me especially tired when I was involved in the situation. Five days. For five days I had done nothing of any importance and I was the only one who seemed to notice or even care.

I did not know what Alexander wanted me to do. It would have been much easier had he given me something to do, perhaps my regular duties, but he failed to do so. Instead, he insisted and made sure to inform each and every guard within a hundred miles that I was not to leave the palace. Even those that respected me asked that for their sake I remain within the boundaries given to me by my king, and for their sake I decided that it would be best if I played along with his wishes for these next couple of days. It would be more than fair I had decided, however, after a few hours of doing nothing more than sitting in my room I was anxious to be let out of my cage. Standing and going to my door I pulled it open, and with good timing, for as I did Alexander stopped before the room. He frowned slightly and then he motioned for the guards that trialed him to leave him, and they did as he asked.

"Can I speak with you," he asked and I nodded, allowing him entrance. But what could he and I have to say to one another at this point? I said and did nothing more apart from shutting the door and falling back onto my bed. He kept himself busy, checking to see if I was eating and drinking the food that had been brought to me on golden platters. He then found an interest with the maps that remained unfinished on my desk and other various pieces of paper that I had pushed aside, to bored to even look at them. The ink from one of the maps still stained my left hand, but Alexander was not going to notice this, for I still believed he would notice nothing about me. He moved on to looking at something else but I had long since given up watching his every move.

"You are not eating enough," he told me, like a mother would, and he glanced over at me and then looked away. He let out a breath of air and then turned to face me, looking hardly at me, contemplating something I would have guessed. He then said, "Your sister will be here today. Did you hear?"

"Of course I did," I answered, a slight tinge of bitterness clear in my voice. "I took a walk back to Pella today, sat down with your mother and my sister, and I sorted things out. But they want to come to visit."

"Don't patronize me," he snapped, throwing a hand before sitting down next to me. He leaned forward and placed his hands in his head before running a hand through his hair. Turning and looked at me again he said, "I have told you that you are impossible many times, I'm sure, but this is beginning to cross a line."

"I am doing as you told me to do," I flung back at him. "I'm staying in my room, and I'm waiting for you to tell me what to do. What do you want me to do Alexander? Do you want me to hate you, because you're doing a nice job of it."

There was always going to be this tension between us. It was even worse when I opened the door, a sign for Alexander to leave, and standing across the hall was Bagoas. I must have realized at this moment why I was so angry. I was not particularly angry that Alexander was attempting to save my sister from his mother, who most certainly had the ability to kill if she so desired, as I had seen her do it before in my youth. And I was not particularly upset about the fact that Alexander believed the prophet, for although it was ridiculous he was truly worried about my well-being. No, what I was most upset about was how foolish Alexander was. I was not angry that he was marrying my sister to Cassander, it only bothered me because I could not entirely understand it, and I would not have made the same choice for my sister –but what I was feeling was not anger. It was confusion. The anger that I felt resided in my own heart, in the fact that I knew Alexander would never truly be mine, not after Bagoas. I was angry because Alexander was giving Cassander and my sister their freedom within their marriage, and he was also taking his freedom in our relationship. Relationship, I said again in my mind, there is no relationship between us. He would not need Bagoas if he loved me, not if he truly loved me.

"I have never asked you to hate me," Alexander said as he brushed past me.

"Sometimes you do not have to," was my response and before he said another word I slammed the door shut upon him. It was childish and I wished that I had not done it as soon as I had, but it was right for the moment. He could go now to his Bagoas and tell him of how insolent I was, what trouble I was causing him and how all the while he was sick with worry over me. It did not matter. I did not wish to deal with him. Instead, I would wait for Myrihne to arrive, though I could not be certain I suppose of it he would even allow her to see me.

A few hours passed before I fell asleep on the bed, once again drifting off after staring up at the ceiling and wondering if the cracks in the walls above me meant something. The page was running toward my room and this noise caused me to wake and when he rapped upon the door I was already prepared to receive him. He pushed the door open and announced that Myrihne and Queen Olympias had arrived. Alexander had already greeted them both and they had been taken to separate rooms in order to rest until the grand feast of the night was to be prepared. I thanked the page for the news and then told him to send word to King Alexander that I wished to request and audience with him. I was already preparing to explain how important it was for me to see my sister, but knew that a speech would not convince Alexander of anything. Once he was your enemy he would forever be your enemy, and that was the way of things in almost every case of an enemy that he had.

"I will tell him that you wish to see him," the page confirmed before running off in the same direction that he had come. There was no response, not after two hours, and once more I lay back on my bed and wondered if Alexander had forgotten about me entirely. It would probably do his some good, since I in truth was being rather uncooperative. Yet I soon enough heard the sound of footfalls and soon enough I heard the sound of my door opening, and the guards were not arguing with the one that had opened them.

"Constant exile does not suit you," she said as she entered, bringing with her all the airs of a Queen. She did not wait for me to get up, but instead she found a comfortable chair and sat down, crossing a long leg over a milky thigh and leaning forward, her eyes dancing in the light. Her eyes were sparkling as she surveyed my room, noting the piles of unfinished maps and letters.

"He is hard headed like Philip," she told me in a soft sigh. Sitting up, I looked at her for a moment before I rose and went to pour her a cup of water. I reached out to hand it to her and she placed a soft hand on my wrist. She took the cup but set it down quickly and turned my palm over, tracing the lines in my hand.

"Am I still cursed," I asked.

"You were never cursed Hephaestion Amyntor," Queen Olympias replied, still tracing a line on my palm. She lost interest in my left hand and then took my right, staring intently at what he had referred to as my life-thread and then she turned her attention to the love-thread. I did my best to please her, but just as I did not believe in blind prophets I did not believe that lines in my hand would tell Olympias my future. Besides, Alexander would never let her study his hand, not since she told him that she knew about us summers ago in Mieza. I had explained to him that she just must have seen something, perhaps one of us sneaking into the other's room in the late night, but as always Alexander thought otherwise.

"I will speak to him," she said as she dropped my hand and took the cup. She took a sip of the water and then set it down and watched me as I returned to the bed, but in courteousness I continued to face her. She lifted a hand and pointed to the pile of maps and I shook my head. Smirking, she then motioned toward the large black cat that loomed near the entrance to the gardens outside my room, growling slightly as it tugged on its chain.

"Apollo," I answered, standing and reaching out for her hand. She took my hand and let me lead her to the gardens. Apollo paused momentarily and licked his lips but then sat back down in the shade, panting with his pink tongue hanging out of his mouth.

"I heard that Alexander killed a great spotted cat and now it covers Bucephalus and protects him in battle. Was it much like this cat," she asked.

"No, the beast that Alexander killed leapt at him in the jungle from a high cliff, and he accidentally killed the poor animal in his fright. Apollo," I explained, approaching him quietly. He had always been fond of me, and Ptolemy assured me it was due to my gentle natures. "Apollo was left by Darius and I asked Alexander to put him in my care. He was in a cage, and though I cannot release him into the city, I thought at least these gardens would provide some sort of comfort to him."

"Ironic."

"What is?"

"The man that released the caged animal becomes caged himself," she answered with a slight smirk. She then wiped her hands on her dress and turned, walking back into my rooms. I followed her quietly and when we reached the door I went to hold it open for her.

"How is Myrihne," I asked, leaning against the door frame.

Olympias shrugged, "She is as well as can be expected. There are certain things about her that I must say I do not find…agreeable…but I never planned on pushing her off of a high cliff, as I am sure you have heard."

"The palace is full of gossip. I barely have the time to listen to myself think, let alone know what these gossips speak of."

"Alexander must have told you," she said with a soft frown, her eyes still glittering. She shook her head and put a hand on my chest, something that was common so I did not back away. Her voice was hushed as she went on, "I am not going to harm your sister Hephaestion Amyntor. I enjoy her company from time to time, dislike it at others, but for the most part I know how important she is to you. Would I ever sever my relationship with you?"

"No," I answered honestly. "I don't think that you would lie to me, but I don't think that you keep her around for our friendship. I'm not nearly powerful enough to be your friend."

"Aren't you," she asked, raising an eyebrow at me. "You are as much the king of this new Empire as Alexander is, as much as wise, as handsome, as imperialistic. And in the end, it is you that I receive my letters from, not my own son. Your happiness means much to me, for you are indeed my son, Hephaestion."

"You are gracious."

"Besides," she said as she walked past me and into the hall, "I think that it is Myrihne that you should be watching. She is smart, like you, but I do not think that she honors her king as you do."

I was once again left alone after her departure. I thought again about what Olympias had said. She was right, constant exile did not suit me. I felt as if I was loosing my mind, and at any moment I was going to begin pulling stands of my hair out, piece by piece, just to have something to do. Yet I was not alone long. After only minutes of sitting I heard a knock at the door and I sat up as Alexander barged into the room. There was a small cut on one of his hands and though I wanted to hate him I stood and grabbed his hand, examining the wound. It was not deep, nothing that would cause concern, but there was still a streak of blood. I knew almost instantly that he had cut himself after punching someone.

"What happened," I asked, releasing his hand and turning away from him. I started tiding up the pile of maps that I still needed to attend to, and as I did so Alexander did not answer. However I was not in the mood to ask again. He then spoke, as I figured he would.

"I met my mother's new advisor," was his answer as he sat down on my bed an lay back, as if there was no tension between us. He was good at forgetting what he had done to upset me, and that he had locked me away in here, when he needed someone to listen to him. "I don't think that I like him much."

"I spoke to my mother as well," the then told me. "She visited you before me. Do you find that interesting?"

"No," I answered shortly.

"I suppose not," he agreed dramatically. "But still, I am her son and she would rather see my lover. If, of course, you do still love me."

"I don't understand you," I cursed him, throwing the maps to the ground and raking my hand through my hair, this time accidentally tearing out a few strands of hair as I did so. "One moment you want my advice, you want me to love you, and then the next you lock me in my room at the whim of some old woman and tell me not to leave, and to further spite me you take a harem boy as a lover and wed my sister to the only man in the world other than your father that I think I have ever hated! What in Hades do you want from me Alexander? Because I will be honest, I do not know anymore. You want my advice but only in private, not where others can hear me question you, as you want it now, but am I not a prisoner?"

"Do you think me mad," he asked, taking my hand and holding it in his as I stared down at him. He gently pulled the few stands of hair out of my hand and let them fall to the floor. "Don't you see, Hephaestion, I do this because I am worried about you. I am so worried."

"Why? You never tell me, never. You don't talk to me anymore Alexander, and I don't blame you," I admitted. "I don't blame you for taking a wife, for wanting an heir, and I don't blame you for pushing me away in order to do it. I understood your heart long ago. I cannot be yours, not if you plan to have these other things, and so I am not yours. But as you affirmed to do, you must let me go, because I need to let you go."

"No," he insisted, grabbing my wrist and wrapping his arms around me tightly in an embrace. "I can no more let you go than the sun can forget the moon."

"What do you want?"

"I want you to kill Myrihne," he whispered in my ear. I would have pulled away from him, but he held me too tightly. My world was collapsing around me, and I could not move. I could not even begin to understand it.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Abandon

Title: Abandon

Author: _Baliansword_

Rating: M for sexual content and adult situations

Warnings: A/H

Chapter: 4 of unknown

Summary: Alexander betroths Hephaestion's half sister Myrihne to Cassander, despite Hephaestion's protests. Yet when Myrihne arrives in Babylon, Hephaestion questions whether distancing himself from Alexander was the right decision.

Tagline: Is blood thicker than water?

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Pushing away from him I stared at him, my eyes wide, and I shook my head slowly as sheer disbelief swept over me. Did he truly just ask me to kill my sister? She was the only reminder of my life back in Pella, the only one that may note whether or not I returned, and he wanted me to kill her? And for what? For a moment I wanted to ask but I was afraid that I would not want to know the answer. Were this another worry brought on by some deranged old woman I would consider strangling him with my own hands, and then after explaining it to the guards perhaps they would understand and let me go home to Pella. Or perhaps I would not leave. Achilles and Patroclus were not separated in death, and thus Alexander and I were unlikely to be separated. Maybe I could take my own life, save them the time of a trial and executioner expenses.

"Get out," I murmured instead of asking for his reasoning, or the substantial lack thereof. Alexander did not move though, but sat with the defiance of a king. Did I think him mad he had asked, and now I was about to give him the answer. Of course he was mad, this was all madness. I shook my head and again asked him to remove himself from my room but he did not move.

"You don't understand," he began, but I put up a hand to silence him. He stopped, respecting my wishes for the time being and I asked him once more to leave, this time on the verge of forcing him out. And as he went he glanced once more over his shoulder and said to me, "Soon, you will see."

I wondered for a moment if I had wasted these years of my life. Perhaps I had, but even in my attempt to foolishly hate Alexander and all that we had been through together, I could not hate him. In truth, I did not want to hate him either. I just wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him as I did when we were younger, when I could call him a stupid child and get away with it no matter whom was looking or where we were. I wanted to shake him and then pull him close; I wanted to hold him more than I had ever wanted to hold him in my life. What had happened to the man that I thought to be better than Achilles, to the man that I would have gladly defended myself against the entire Persian army? He was brilliant, wise beyond his years, but was that slowly slipping away into the madness I had always feared his parents would rive into his mind like a seed that when watered would sprout and grow, covering brilliance with vines of inadequacy and subtle confusion.

I do not know when I decided that I could no longer stand to think about Alexander or stand to be in my room. Pulling the door open I raised a hand to the first guard, and when he attempted to stop me I shoved him backward. He was young, younger than most guards, and he knew that his best bet was to remain on the floor, which he did as I stepped past him. The hallways were rather quiet for the time of day with only two servants, both young women, encountering me as they passed by with a tray and two pitchers, one filled with freshly picked flowers from the gardens. There was another guard that passed me, this one a bit older than the last, but he did not attempt to stop me even though I did not know him and he more than likely knew who I was, and that I was not to leave my rooms. Still, perhaps he saw in my eyes that I could no sooner go back to my rooms than I could stand to be bound in a bag and thrown into the sea.

"Hephaestion," a voice called out, causing me to slow my place, but I did not feel like stopping. Ptolemy flung an arm over my shoulders when he finally caught up to me and bit into the green apple he was carrying. Another servant went past us, and the new rumor would likely be that it was a poisoned apple brought by Olympias to poison Alexander's Companions. Simply because I did not listen to all of the palace gossip did not mean that I did not understand how it worked.

"Is this your attempt at a great escape," Ptolemy asked casually as I continued on my way. I did not entirely know where I intended to go, but I had done this numerous times before and would always wind up somewhere where I felt welcomed. Ptolemy went on, "Because if this is your attempt, you should have gone out into the gardens with your sheets tied together and scaled a wall. This appears suspicious. Do you know what Alexander will give one of these servants to tell him that you have left your rooms?"

"Then I am about to make a servant very happy," I answered, turning down another corridor, this one smaller than the last. Ptolemy released me though and continued at my side, going for another mouthful of apple.

"What has he done now?"

"Nothing that Alexander does seems to surprise me anymore," I told him, not even attempting to pretend that things between Alexander and myself were going to mend. "But," I added, "at the moment he would like for me to kill my own sister. I did not get into his reasons why, because I cannot even begin to want to understand it, but I did decide that I was not going to sit around and wait to die in that room."

"Ptolemy," someone shouted out, stopping him. He looked over his shoulder and then said a quick goodbye to me. I was not going to miss his company for this moment but knew that he was likely doing one of the tasks that should have been mine were I not on this odd restriction. It would probably keep him busy for the remainder of the night as well, so he would give me little company later in the day, and then I might miss his company. But I continued on my way, turning left and right aimlessly with no intention of ending up where I did, standing before Alexander's chambers. Sighing, I ran a hand over my face to check if I was sleeping, and then I entered the room.

Bagoas was not visible to me until I entered Alexander's bedroom. He stood in a corner pulling back the drapery and doing whatever else it was that he did. He was not alarmed by my presence but instead dipped his head and then picked up a vase and left the room before I had to tell him to do so. Shaking my head I went to his bureau and began pulling the drawers out, looking for something that I had left here long ago. I did not see the scroll at first, but as I pulled a worn copy of Homer's finest masterpiece from one of the drawers it slipped out of my hand and hit the floor. Cursing, I knelt and as I did saw the pages that had fallen out. Quietly I began to pick them up, hoping to know how to put them back in order, which would be quite simple considering how many times Alexander and I had read the book to one another. Yet as I looked at the pages I realized that they were not Homer's writings, but instead letters. In most circumstances I would not have read them without permission, but when I saw my name, I paused.

_Alexander, _

_I know that you love Hephaestion with all of your heart, but you are a king now. You must do what is expected of you, not what a boy would do for the release of the lust in his loins. You fool. How many times have I told you that taking a wife…_

I put this letter in the back, having read plenty just like it. Olympias had always meant well, but at times Alexander was on the verge of going mad when she begged of him to do things that he had never wanted to do. I scanned over the next two letters but as it turned out I had read them before. Again they were Olympias making requests of him, including the request to bring her here. Well, at least this had come to her, and her only son had wed. Perhaps there would be an heir, but I knew that Olympias, and the kingdom of Macedon, was beginning to lose faith in such a hope. It was, however, one of the last letters that caught my eye, dated very recent in comparison to the others.

_Who knows why those we love betray us, Alexander. You knew your father, and I don't have to tell you that in his own way he loved you, even if his love was hatred against me. Philip wanted to leave you on a cliff for birds when you were born but as you grew he regretted thinking it, or so he said. Only when you were older, a threat to an old man, did he begin to wish ill upon you. So who knows why it is Myrihne would not only attempt to take my lover from me, but also, to go against her brother as I think she is. It might make no sense to you or I, but to her, it makes plenty of sense. I would kill her for you. I would have someone else here in Pella kill her, and none would ever know that the order came from you, the Great King. If that is what you want, it shall be done. But bringing her closer to Hephaestion will not protect him. _

_And I cannot tell you what to do to regain Hephaestion's trust when you lose it, for you will lose it if you bring his sister into Cassander's arms. Even I, a crone left in Pella, understand the hatred between your blue-eyed companion and Cassander, son of a snake. Hephaestion will not understand, or believe, what you will tell him. And he will not want Myrihne to be slain. You could attempt not to tell him of your plans, or the danger he might be in, but you've never kept a secret from him before, not even when you have tried. What to do, what to do? _

_Tell him nothing for now Alexander and pray that he does not meddle in your affairs, and maybe he will not sense what is to come. But if you love him Alexander, as I think you still do, do not push him away. There is plenty of time to be a husband to your wife, plenty of time to be a king, but there is not enough time for Hephaestion when time begins to slip away. If you love him, you would be wise to tell him, wise to show him. If he thinks that you have forgotten about him, if he feels neglected, he will be fragile like a flower. He has bloomed, and without the water of your love, he will begin to wither inward on himself, and the wind will crumble him and bring him down. He will not leave you for another, Alexander, he would never do that. However, he is not the type to wait. Either you have his love, or you do not. _

_I will wait to speak more, for there will be much to say when I reach your newest palace. My son, I am proud of you. You have the blood of Achilles in your veins, and you take what is rightfully yours. Your loving mother. _

I stared at the letter for another moment, sensing that I was being watched, and then I replaced it in the book. I stood and then set the book on the top of the bureau and after this I turned to look at Alexander. He leaned against the wall and though I expected him to be angry, he did not appear so. Instead, he was almost calm in appearance, as if at peace for the moment.

"Myrihne was staying with my mother when she attempted to lure her new lover into her room one night," he explained, unmoving. "It did happen, and there were witnesses that are accountable. But I lied to you when I said that I brought Myrihne here because I thought my mother planned to kill her. She wouldn't do that. I brought her here because she told her bedmate that she wanted you dead. I know that you don't want to believe me, but she hired this same bedmate, lover to my mother, to kill you. She was going to send him as a courier, sending you a message, when Olympias heard of the plan and told me of it. That is why I brought her here, to see if these accusations against her were true. That is why I have asked you to remain in your rooms, where I know the guards can keep an eye on you."

"You're right," I whispered. "I don't believe you Alexander. In fact, I'm starting to worry about you," I admitted, feeling the burning stings of tears welling in my eyes.

"Don't," he insisted. He then approached me, closing the safe distance between us, and without another word he wrapped his arms around me. One hand on the small of my back, the other on my neck, he drew me close and suffocated me with his kiss. It was intoxicating, to say the least, but I still placed a hand on his chest and pushed him away. I didn't believe him, which was why I was angry. But I stared at him for a moment, and I knew that he really thought that Myrihne planned to kill me.

"Please trust me," Alexander said, wrapping his arms over his chest nervously. I was torn. He did look as if he needed to sleep, which led me to believe that he was half-way delirious. However, at the same time, he was earnest in his belief that I was in danger. Sighing, I shook my head slightly, and in my own nervousness I started chewing on my lower lip. Alexander took a step forward and placed his thumb on my lower lip, which had always been his attempt to stop this habit. I looked at him for a moment, enjoying the proximity, and then I wrapped my arms around him and drug him onto the bed. Before I knew it I stood leaning over the bed as he arched his back to forcefully kiss me.

I pawed at the tie of the ornate cape of a king that had trailed him, and when I finished I pulled it away and dropped it on the floor. Alexander placed his legs on either side of my own and wrapped his thighs around my buttocks, pulling me down. Hands on either side of his shoulders I kissed him, deeply, allowing my tongue to probe the cavern of his mouth as my hair draped over us, hiding us from the world. As I kissed him he reached up and expertly pushed the chiton away from my shoulders. As he pushed the rest of the chiton downward with his knee I gently bit his lower lip and wrapped one of my hands in his hair and tilted his head backward, giving me better access to his neck. I kissed his neck for a moment, feeling his warmth, and then sucked lightly on his skin while I pushed the rest of his wardrobe away from him. Exposing his bare chest my mouth found his shoulder, and then his chest.

I stepped back for a moment and pulled the rest of his clothing away, tearing his loincloth when I attempted to pull his trousers away at the same time. He didn't seem to care though. Instead, he wrapped his legs around me again and drew me down into another kiss. It wasn't about love, not at the moment. At the moment it was about the sex, nothing else. Alexander grabbed one of my wrists and knocked me off balance, giving him enough time to drag me onto the bed and pushing me back into the pillows. I stared up at him as he leaned over me, kissing my chest and then drawing his mouth over my nipple. I reached down to wrap my hand in his hair, my intent to pull him away, but he took my wrist with his free hand and pressed it back onto the bed, forcefully keeping my hand there. I went to reach for him with my other hand, but he forced it away as well, his lips trailing down my chest, finding my navel. He slid hit tongue over the flat of my stomach, then over my navel, driving me wild, and he knew it.

I felt his own erection against my thigh and let my eyes roll back in my head for a moment. I gasped as his kisses found my pelvis, then the very top of my thigh. He released my wrists but kept his hands on my chest for a moment, his fingers rubbing up and down my taunt muscles. I knew what he was doing, he wanted to bring me to the very verge of blissful pressure and then hold off, but I wasn't going to stop him. Instead, I let his hands find my thighs and hold me down as he ran his tongue over my skin and then blew warm air over his trials, driving me mad to a point where I felt my entire body throbbing.

"Alexander," someone called from out in the hall. They knocked again when there was no response, but they would not enter without his permission. Only I would do such a thing.

"Not now," he rasped, lifting his head from my thigh for only a second to answer the knocker. There was no further knocking and I gasped as Alexander moved from my thigh to other areas. I would have arched my back slightly, but he pushed me down with his hands. With my own hands I grabbed his shoulders and attempted to pull him back to my chest. To my surprise he moved to my request and kissed my chest. He then met my lips and allowed me to crawl over him, yet as I did so he removed himself from the bed. I looked at him for a moment and watched as he walked to the table beside his bed, which held maps and other important documents. Alexander swept his arm over the table, moving all of the piled paperwork to the other end, and then raised his hand and motioned for me to come to him.

I might have hesitated had I not wanted him so badly. He truly was magnificent to look at, lovely, beautiful, everything that I could ever have desired. I came to him and placed my hands on his back, kissing his shoulder blades as he bent slightly over the table. A few moments later I was out of breath, as was Alexander. Moving out from beneath me he took my hand and led me to the bed, where he lay back and waited for me to join him. I let go of his hand though and picked up my chiton, pulling it back on quickly.

"I need some time," I told him, not knowing how else to put it. He did not question me as I feared he would, but instead he watched me as I left the room. When I entered the hallway I drew in a breath and ran my hand over my face. I did not know whether or not what had just happened would change anything between Alexander and myself, or if it was merely an encounter. Either way, I would remember it. I did love him, even now. I just didn't know what to do. Loving him would be to go against my sister, and to side with my sister (whom I kept trying to remind myself I did not know well at all) was to forsake my love for Alexander. Yes, I needed time.

When I reached my rooms I was not given the opportunity to think though. Instead, Myrhine sat in my sitting room, a warm cup of tea sitting before her. She smile briefly and then rose.

"Hephaestion," she greeted, smiling. "You are as I pictured, tall and handsome. I can see why Alexander keeps you close. No doubt an attractive man wants other attractive men near him."

"Was your trip reasonable," I asked, hating that I had nothing else to say to her.

"It was fine," she answered. "Olympias was kind to be so generous with me. I came with her the entire way, as if I was an adopted part of her own family. Well," she blushed, "I've heard that perhaps you are Alexander's family. Of course, if it is not true…"

"Did you get what I sent you," I asked then.

"The money," she asked, and she then nodded when she knew this was what I meant. "Yes I received it. Thank you. The jewelry too, it was always very pretty."

"Good."

"Are you happy to see me," she then asked, raising an eyebrow. "I would have thought that maybe you would have been happier to see me."

"I am very happy," I said. I couldn't understand why it felt as if I was lying to her.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Abandon

Title: Abandon

Author: _Baliansword_

Rating: M for sexual content and adult situations

Warnings: A/H

Chapter: 5 of unknown

Summary: Alexander betroths Hephaestion's half sister Myrihne to Cassander, despite Hephaestion's protests. Yet when Myrihne arrives in Babylon, Hephaestion questions whether distancing himself from Alexander was the right decision.

Tagline: Is blood thicker than water?

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There was to be a much expected feast this night to welcome both Queen Olympias and the young bride of Cassander, my sister, which left little time for Myrihne to linger in my room. She told me of her life in Pella, which was brief, for I knew most of it from Olympias' letters, and then one of her maids came to take her away. We hugged momentarily but I did not find the warmth in her hug that I did in Alexander's. It was strange, for I had expected her to smell like the lavender water my mother wore, but she had not. She smelled like sea salt and apples. But had I been wrong to expect anything from her? We had barely known each other in any circumstance, let alone in a face-to-face circumstance. Pushing these thoughts from my mind I pulled my chiton over my shoulders and wrapped myself in a Persian robe. I then went to take a bath, hoping that if I was able to wash away my indiscretions from earlier I would forget my love for Alexander altogether. It did not seem to work.

After dressing I ran a comb through my hair, allowing multiple strands to be pulled out rather than deal with the tiny knots that seemed to be hidden throughout the various layers. Soon enough I was stepping out of my room and into the hallways, which were now lit brightly. Taking a breath I averted my eyes as Cassander turned into my path from another corridor. He noticed me but must not have been in the mood to torture me with the sound of his voice. Instead he winked and then continued on his way. I hated him. Truly hated him, which was saying a lot, because hatred was not something that I believed in.

"Don't let him bother you," someone behind me said. I glanced over my shoulder and took note of Alexander, but was unsure of what to say to him. Instead I stopped and waited for him to approach. I then kissed him as he drew nearer, kissed him long and deeply, and then stepped away from him. I was not ready to devote myself entirely to him. He seemed to understand, or I interpreted that he did, for as I walked away he made no move to stop me. Alexander remained silent, standing in the hall, watching me as I left him for the second time in a day. It would not be the last.

I sat to his left at the large dining table, and to his right was Cassander. Olympias sat across from Alexander, but her eyes kept shifting to me as I lifted my wine cup and continued to drain it entirely, keeping the servers busy. I was not one for strong wine, which everyone at the table knew, but it was Ptolemy who seemed to care. Ptolemy was across from me and after a moment he reached for my cup, successfully taking it before I could finish my sixth glass. Alexander smiled when he saw me toss a spoon at Ptolemy but then went back to talking to Cassander. Myrihne sat across from Cassander and to entertain her Olympias was mentioning how brave Cassander was when Alexander would chase him around the palace with a wooden sword. This was before I had come to Pella, because afterwards it was I that the young prince chased around, and for a very different reason. But Myrihne seemed interested and I did not wish to be the one to ruin the story for her. Besides, she would soon find out that Cassander would want to share their bed not only with other women, but other men as well.

"Give him water," Alexander insisted, catching the wrist of a server that had leaned over to reach for my cup. Eyes seemed to shift to the scene, even though Alexander had been discreet in his orders. The servant nodded and backed away. Before I could defend myself it was Olympias who spoke up.

"It is a celebration," she reminded her son, eyes sparkling in the light. "Let Hephaestion drink, he has but one sister. Which, I should apologize for my new advisor. The long trip seems to have taxed him, as he barely rested to assure Myrihne and I would be safe."

"Understandable," Cassander laughed, thinking of something else entirely. Alexander shot him a look and he stopped laughing.

"Water," I told the server, who seemed as if he were about to wet himself with fear of choosing the wrong crown bearer to listen to. He nodded and scurried away, bringing a pitcher of water back within a few moments and refilling my cup. I took it and drank once more, Olympias watching me as she smiled deviously at me. Myrihne on the other hand kept her eyes on Cassander, who was trying desperately hard to seem interested in what she was saying.

"Hephaestion," Ptolemy said, setting his own cup down in an attempt to keep me interested in this feast, "have you told Myrihne about the boar that you brought down last week and saved Alexander from?"

"No," I answered, saying nothing more. Ptolemy was about to laugh but did not. Instead, he decided that he would tell the story. He turned his attention to Olympias and Myrihne, the only women at the table to impress, and began, adding colorful details that may or may not have been true.

"There was a boar stalking the palace," Ptolemy elaborated, smiling and placing his cup down so that he could talk with his hands, as he was used to doing. "Now you see, this normally wouldn't bother any Macedonian, but once this bastard got into the grain storage it was another war. Alexander decides, after hearing of the horrible mess the creature made in the granary, that he's going to stay up late and kill the thing. Forgoing the feasts of that night Alexander stays up, with the Companions present at the table now, and we wait for this boar. But the damn thing just doesn't seem to come.

"I look over after a good hour, maybe two, of sitting in wait and note that Hephaestion is fully asleep, leaning against a tree! I shake him awake and ask what he's doing and he tells us all, 'The boar smells us, it won't come tonight' and sure as shit the thing never comes."

"Your brother is very wise," Alexander added kindly.

"Very," Ptolemy agreed. "By the next night the Companions think that Alexander has lost interest in the boar. I'm asleep and I wake to the sound of this boar scream. I rush down to see Alexander hanging upside down in the boar snare that he set the night before, right in front of that granary. And I swear to you Myrihne, Hephaestion is standing there with a broken branch, which he has rammed through the boar's eyes from the side."

"The rest of the branch is stuck right through the thing," Cassander laughed, leaning forward and grabbing a piece of bread. "Blood everywhere, and Hephaestion is rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and Alexander is thrashing around up in a tree."

"This boar was large," Ptolemy said, motioning with his hands and taking the liberty to add to the length of the creature. "It probably could have reached up and snapped Alexander's bony neck, had it not been for Hephaestion."

"I owe him my life," Alexander cut in. "I fear he's saved my life many times and I never seem to have the chance to repay him."

"To a true friend," Olympias then toasted, raising her glass and giving me a kind smile. I smiled back and lifted my water to my lips, all the while keeping my eyes fixed on Myrihne. I did not want to think that Alexander had lost his wits and I did not want to think that Myrihne would contemplate harming me, but I knew that eventually I would have to alienate myself from one of these individuals. Swallowing, I watched as she looked at Alexander. There was a hint of contemplation in the movement of her brow and for a moment I thought that she seemed to hold him in contempt. But she then smiled and laughed as he said something, which I did not hear.

"Are you alright," Ptolemy asked me quietly, and I nodded.

"How do you like Cassander," Alexander inquired, staring my sister down as he picked up and tore at his own piece of bread. She seemed to blush and I watched as she ran a finger over the tip of her nose nervously. But as soon as she began to speak she did not appear nervous, something that I found interesting.

"Very well," she told the king, barely saying anything after that.

Ptolemy was good at keeping conversation though, and he did for most of the evening. With Cassander's help they even created a parody of Alexander's first visit to the harem, both mocking Stateira and how she had mistaken me for Alexander. I glanced at Alexander when they were telling this story, and there was an honest smile tracing over his features. His large brown eyes were transfixed on Ptolemy as he spoke and he seemed to be remembering it himself, setting aside their quips. Things had been better between us then, and even I might have let a slight laugh escape as the other two spoke.

The night wound down when Olympias grew tired, her condition was then attributed to her long trip. She rose and then asked Alexander if I would be able to walk her to her rooms, and Alexander nodded. He trusted me with his mother and I knew that she was using this as a ploy to speak privately to me. As we stepped into the hallway others left us, giving us a moment to be alone.

"I thank you for protecting my son," she began, wrapping her arm through mine and allowing me to lead us through the many passageways. "I have always worried about those who surround him, but never you."

"There is nothing to thank me for," I answered.

"I have told Myrihne something," she then told me, stopping in the hall so that she could better face me. "Perhaps I am over zealous in my attempts to protect Alexander, and I am sorry, but I do not trust her."

"So you have devised a trap," I smirked in conclusion, knowing Olympias better than she thought I did. "What did you tell her?"

"I told her that after a night of heavy drinking, like tonight's feast, Alexander would find himself awake in the night. When this happens, I told her that he would then leave his rooms and would wander the hallways. If she plans something, and I think that she and my advisor do, tonight something will happen."

"And what did you tell Alexander?"

"Nothing," she replied. "We are in a time where no one trusts anyone. You do not trust me, or Alexander, and not even a son will trust his mother. I've said nothing to anyone but Myrihne, and to you now. I want you to go to my son's rooms tonight. You can leave his room in the darkness, and see if there is anything suspicious."

"And if there is not?"

"Then perhaps I am wrong."

"Things are complicated," I attempted to assure her. "Alexander and I are not, sharing a room at the moment."

"It is never complicated, not if he loves you," the queen replied, leaving me then to return to her room herself. I watched her go and crossed my arms over my chest. I knew what she wanted from me and I knew it was what I needed to do, however, I was unsure if Alexander would openly welcome me to his rooms. I had already abandoned him earlier today after one session of lovemaking. I was not sure if he would stand for another game like this. But I tried to reason with myself that Alexander might not even allow us to get that far, and there would be nothing to worry about.

Returning to the table I sat down and then reached to my side, taking a bracelet out of my pocket that I had intended to give Myrihne. It was to be my wedding gift to her. When I showed it to her she smiled and held her hand out for me to put the bracelet on. I did, as both Cassander and Alexander leaned in to watch me. Even Ptolemy had left by now, tired from all of the tasks he had done in my stead while I was locked away in my room. When the bracelet was on Myrihne admired it and then thanked me, telling me it was quite beautiful. In truth, I had sent her many more like it with different colored stones.

"I should rest," Myrihne said after another cup of wine. "I want to look fresh in the morning. Cassander, would you escort me to my rooms? My ladies will be waiting up for me."

The two left, leaving only Alexander and myself in the room. There was an awkward silence between the two of us for some time, before Alexander noted that my cup was empty again. He went to motion for a server to come but I spoke before he could.

"I've had enough," I assured him, saving the server a trip.

"Do you feel alright?"

"Well enough," I answered. I then swallowed what pride I had left, if any, and looked at him. "I was hoping that you were not too angry with me."

"Why would I be angry with you?"

"Because," I began but then stopped. "Because…of leaving you earlier when I should not have. It was not meant to be as malicious as I am afraid it could have appeared. I just, needed time to think."

"Then come to my room tonight," he said quietly. I had already known that he would say this, and I nodded in approval. We left the dining room immediately and I felt my stomach flip as we walked through the hallways. It was wrong to use him like this, and I was wrong not to tell him. However, I kept telling myself it was necessary.

"You look troubled," Alexander noted as he took his robe off, exposing a bare chest. He set the robe down on the chair and then sat on the edge of his bed, looking at me, eyes dancing in the candlelight. "Is something wrong?"

"No," I swallowed.

"Then take your chiton off and lie down."

I did as he asked. He watched me as I did this, his eyes looking at each and every inch of skin as it was revealed to him. It was strange, to have him looking at me as if he desired me. Much time had passed between us, time that he'd spent with Bagoas. If he had always wanted me so badly, why had he ever found comfort in another's arms? I pushed the thought from my head. It did not matter. He had me now, and even though I felt as if I was there by false circumstances, I did want to feel him near me. It was hard, sleeping without him near. I tossed my chiton on the floor and then lay back on the bed, as he had told me to.

Alexander moved, leaning over me, and he then kissed my forehead. He kissed my forehead and then he placed his head on my chest, kissing my heart. I wrapped my arms around him and held him as he lay down next to me. We only held each other, nothing more. We fell asleep in each other's arms, but I was woken to the moonlight. Stirring, I moved Alexander away from me. He was used to this, for I often snuck out of his rooms in the middle of the night so that I would be in my own in the morning. He did not stir. Quietly I searched out his robe, and upon finding it I put it on. I then found his Persian sleeping pants and put them on as well.

I entered the hallway in secret. There were a few candles, but not many, and the guards that had been posted were at the end of the hallways, not in front of the doors as I had instructed. I rolled my eyes, noting that one guard might actually be asleep. Then cursing under my breath I began to walk toward the end of the hallway. Just as I was about to call out to him I heard something behind me. As I turned, I saw the glint of a blade in the light, and even as I reached out to stop my attacker I felt the blade sink into my chest. It burned, but I reached out again, grabbing the hand of the attacker before he could stab me once more. Yet he kicked me and I lost my footing. Falling to the floor the attacker fell with me and slammed the blade, to the hilt, into my chest again.

I had screamed and the guards were running down the hallway now. The attacker looked up and as he was about to leave I reached out, grabbing the wrist. The attacker shoved me away, but not before I felt the undeniable feel of a bracelet. I fell back and put a hand to my chest as the initial guards dropped to their knees beside me.

"Alexander," one cried out, lighting a candle and bringing it to my face. As he made out who I was I heard Alexander's door opening and as my eyes began to roll back in my head I saw him as he dropped down beside me. I could see his eyes, but nothing more. I heard my breath leave me then.

"Hephaestion," Alexander shouted, grabbing my shoulders and dragging me into his embrace. "Get a doctor! Hephaestion….Hephaestion! Someone get the doctors!"

The world went dark.

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To be continued. Thank you to all of my readers, it is much appreciated. Your comments are wonderful. Also, I'll start seeking out those wordy sentences and clear them up. Hope you enjoy this chapter, let me know either way. Baliansword


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Abandon

Title: Abandon

Author: _Baliansword_

Rating: M for sexual content and adult situations

Warnings: A/H

Chapter: 6 of unknown

Summary: Alexander betroths Hephaestion's half sister Myrihne to Cassander, despite Hephaestion's protests. Yet when Myrihne arrives in Babylon, Hephaestion questions whether distancing himself from Alexander was the right decision.

Tagline: Is blood thicker than water?

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I heard muffled voices as my eyelids began to twitch, and when something was poured over my chest I cried out and attempted to sit up. Strong arms forced me down and I heard a muffled commander. The hands moved away from my shoulders and were replaced with another's, one who held me firmly but also with a subtle tenderness. Slowly I opened my eyes and stared up at Alexander, who stood over me with blood on his cheek. I was confused by this and went to reach upward for him, but he held me in place against the cot. Another came forward and held my wrist down. Slowly I turned my head and looked at the gray-haired surgeon that was to my left, knelt down over my chest with a tool of some sort that I could not name. He set it down and picked up a hot rod. As he pressed it against my chest my body jerked away from him but Alexander, and the others that had come, quickly forced me down. The surgeon ignored the rest of my movement and placed the rod over me again, muttering something to himself about how much better it had been when I was unconscious.

"Alexander," I screamed as the surgeon dug something into the second stab wound. I reached for him again but was unable and the more the surgeon's helper attempted to hold my down the more I thrashed against the table. The surgeon said something and backed away from me, shaking his head. I cried out for Alexander again, not because of the pain, but because all I could think of was the blood on his face. Had he been harmed? I shouted his name again and then felt a cool hand against my forehead.

"I'm here," he answered, standing over me and staring down at me. The blood was still on his cheek, but it was drying. I relaxed with his touch and he motioned for the surgeon's assistants to back away, which they did. I sunk down against the cot and stared up at Alexander, reaching for his cheek. My own hand was bloodied, but as I went to touch Alexander's cheek he took my hand in his own and smiled, forcing the tears away from his eyes.

"I'm not hurt," he whispered, holding my hand a bit tighter as the surgeon went back to fiddling with my chest. I nodded and swallowed, and slowly felt my eyes growing heavy with sleep. I drew in a short breath and forced myself not to cry out as another hot rod was pushed against my chest. I looked down and saw blood everywhere, covering every inch of my tanned chest, and then leaned back down. Alexander said something but I did not hear him. Instead, I closed my eyes, trying to remember his face as I drifted back into a world of darkness.

"…make sure there are four guards at the end of the hallway. I want four more in front of his door at all times, each armed with a sword and a dagger. I want another four posted in the garden, but warn them about the jaguar. They aren't to harm that jaguar. And Ptolemy," I heard Alexander say, even as he was holding my hand, "not guards that sleep. Do I make myself clear?"

"It will be done," Ptolemy replied, leaving the room before I opened my eyes. I went to move my head, which Alexander did not notice as he bowed his head and whispered a prayer to Zeus. My chest ached even when I was not intending to move it but I pushed past the pain to look at him. His head shot up as he heard me stir, and he stared at me with tears in his eyes as he reached out to touch my cheek.

"Did you see him," he asked me, pouring me a cup of water and pressing it against my lips. I drank, though it hurt to do so, to give him a sense of calmness. Alexander set the cup back down, and then took my hand again.

"No," I whispered, not lying. I had not seen anyone, but I knew now that Myrihne had to have been there. I felt the bracelet; still felt it even now as I tried to focus my thoughts.

"I didn't know what to do," he then told me, crying now. He leaned over me, wrapping his arms gently around me. His warm tears fell against my neck as I let out the breath of air that I had been holding. "I am nothing without you."

"Shh," I whispered against his golden hair, reaching up with hand and placing it on the back of his head. "I'm not going anywhere. I've never gone anywhere."

He pulled away from me and continued to stare at me and after a moment he pressed his lips against my forehead. He lingered here, his warmth comforting, but he looked up as the doors opened. I did not turn my head but did not need to in order to identify our intruder. Olympias approached the bed, raising a hand to the guards that had followed her into the room. Alexander rose and yelled at them, voicing his complaints. If they could not stop her, he argued, how would they be able to stop a killer bent on harming me?

"Hephaestion," Olympias whispered, sitting down on the edge of the bed and leaning over me. She moved the sheets away from my chest and looked at the surgeon's job, but I knew it was the poultice that she was concerned with. Reaching down she ran a finger through the thick muck, causing me to wince, and then brought it to her nose. She sniffed it and then wiped it on her dress, glancing over her shoulder at Alexander.

"Have one of your Companions go and fetch Cyllian. Tell him to bring my herb case will you," she ordered. It was the first time that she had ever mentioned Cyllian by name in Alexander's presence. It sounded strange, rolling off of her tongue. I had never before heard her say Philip's name with such enthusiasm, or trust.

"No," Alexander negated. "I don't want anyone in this room. I can't trust anyone, not now."

"This poultice will not protect him from infection or the disease that the mosquitoes here bring with them from the highlands. Cyllian knows poultices and can make him a better one Alexander. If you value his life…"

It did not take long for Alexander to summon Cyllian. He would have gone and fetched him himself, had he trusted his mother more to stay with me alone. But instead it was Nearchus that brought Cyllian to my room, carrying a box of various poultice agents with him. He took Alexander's place at my side and examined my wound. All the while Olympias watched him, noting the ingredients that he mixed together, which soother me ever so slightly. She knew well enough what mixtures would cause death, and so far she'd not stopped him from doing his work. To me this was as good a sign as any that Cyllian knew what he was doing.

"This will burn," he told me as he began to apply the finished product. "But it will keep the skin together. You'll barely even see a scar when it heals, if there is any at all."

I screamed as he applied the poultice, but then bit my lower lip to keep myself from causing much more of a disturbance. Alexander came forward and took my hand, not caring how it would appear to Cyllian. He either did not think about the situation or figured that Cyllian already knew. Either way, I was glad to have his hand in mine. I wished that I would have never let his hand go. When Cyllian was done he handed the remainder of the poultice to Alexander and told him when next to have it applied. Alexander thanked him and Olympias watched him go, telling him that she would be out in a minute and he could walk with her through the gardens. As soon as the door shut her smile faded.

"Have him killed," she told Alexander, taking a seat in the chair across from my bed.

"What?"

"I said, have him killed," Olympias repeated, watching him like a snake would watch a mouse. I began to sit up, and Alexander forgot about his confusion and came to my aid. He helped me up and then looked at her as he reached for my water.

"I thought he was your advisor, that you liked his company, that he was your lover…"

"Emphasize was," she smirked. "Besides, I no longer have his trust, just as Myrihne no longer has Hephaestion's. We can't trust either of them. Had Hephaestion not appeared in the dark of night to be the king, I wonder if he would have been so maliciously stabbed. Or perhaps they would have waited for you to exit your room. I don't entirely know which of you Myrihne and Cyllian want dead, but I do know that they will attempt to take the life again."

"They want us both dead," I answered, not giving Alexander the chance to order Olympias to leave. Alexander paused, turning his attention back to me as he sat down beside me. He placed his hand over my head to check my temperature, but I gently moved it away. "It only makes sense that way. If Alexander is killed, as chiliarch I would be next in line to the Empire. But if we are both killed, which was more than likely their plan, Cassander and Ptolemy would be next in line. The queen would be sent back to Pella immediately for her protection and would have no say in the matter. Ptolemy would be their next victim, and then Myrihne would wed Cassander and be queen."

"Are you sure," Alexander asked, stroking hair away from my face. "Are you sure it was Myrihne?"

"Who knows why those we love betray us," I replied, remembering the letter I had read from Olympias. She lifted an eyebrow but I knew that she was not surprised by my ability to keep all secrets, Alexander's and my own. She then stood and told Alexander that she would have Cyllian taken care of. Alexander did not reply, but did not need to. Instead, he continued to look at me, carefully tracing the lines of my face with a finger.

"Let me handle Myrihne myself," I bade of him, suddenly feeling very tired again. Perhaps there had been poison on the blade that I was stabbed with, but I would not mention the thought to Alexander. It would only further trouble him.

"If that is what you want," he agreed. He then pressed another soft kiss against my forehead and then moved to my lips. Who knows why those we love betray us. It was all that I could think of as he kissed me. I reminded myself that I had forgiven him for Bagoas, for everything that had ever troubled me, and I kissed him gratefully back.

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"She says that the bracelet was stolen," Ptolemy informed me as I approached the room in which Myrihne was being held. She had been taken there secretly to keep order in the palace, and few knew of her interrogation. Even Cassander was unaware of it, but I was rather sure that he would not have minded. He was probably in the harem at this hour anyway.

"Of course she does," Alexander said as we entered the room. Myrihne sat on a chair, hands dangling over the sides, her head down and her eyes transfixed on the floor. She did not seem to note our entrance but I was still sure that it had been her in the hallway. It would have had to have been her.

"Where is the bracelet," Alexander asked.

"I don't know," she whispered, glancing up and into my eyes. She looked truly scared. However, it was hard for me to believe that someone would have had the opportunity to steal the bracelet from her.

"Why Hephaestion," Alexander shouted, and he would have lunged at her had I not placed a hand in front of him. It was I who approached Myrihne and looked into her eyes, searching for any truth that I could find in them. Tears had stained her cheeks and she looked tired, scared, unsure of what was to come.

"I didn't do it," she whispered to me, her eyes looking for a glimmer of hope in my own. "Hephaestion, I didn't do it. Please, please believe me, I didn't do it."

"Where were you last night?"

"In my room, sleeping. I heard nothing of the attack until this morning when I was brought here. Hephaestion," she cried, "you are my brother. Why would I harm you?"

"Alexander," I said, still looking at her, "let her go."

Alexander did as I had asked, not arguing with me for the most part until she was out of the room. When I turned he stared hard at me, unsure of what he was going to say or do. He knew, as well as I, that it was unlikely that the bracelet had just disappeared. It did not help either that the place guards had wandered to her maids' beds, leaving only Myrihne in her room with no others to testify that she had been there. We both knew that she was more than likely one of my attackers, or at least had known about the plan. He knew due to reason, and I knew deep in my heart, but neither of us wanted to tell the other one. She was, after all, my sister.

"If you told me that you had a plan," Alexander said to me, "I would believe you."

"She will have to strike again soon," I explained, reaching up and placing a hand on my aching chest. "She knows that things will change now that you've changed the guards and the security of the palace. Tonight, go to the gardens," I told him. "Somehow I will find a way to tell Myrihne that this is where you will be, and we will see if she follows you. I'll stay in my room and if…"

"No," he exclaimed. "You will not be left alone."

"It is the only way to find out for sure. Tomorrow night, we will find our assassin."

"And if you are right, and Cyllian and Myrihne are working together, what then? What if they separate? You are wounded and might not be able to fend Cyllian off by yourself."

"Alexander," I said quietly, placing a hand on his cheek so that he would look at me, "please don't underestimate me. You've done it your entire life, and I can't say that I blame you. But this one time, just this one time, please trust me and do as I tell you."

"But if I loose you…"

"No," I interjected. "Don't even think it."

We returned to my room then and Alexander escorted me in, watching as I slowly removed my chiton. He came forward as I winced, my wounds causing a pain in my chest to flare up. The muscles were tender, even though the wounds were considerably insignificant in comparison to others that I had received in battles. Quietly I leaned back and let him drag the sheet lightly over my aching chest. I stared up at him, sorry for ever doubting him, regretting ever not believing that he only had my well-being in mind.

"Your eyes remind me of the sea," he whispered.

"Don't flatter me," I laughed. "I will still go through with the plan for tomorrow night. Tell no one of it. Not even your mother."

"Truth be told," he said quietly, "I don't entirely trust her either."

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A/N: Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know!


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Abandon

Title: Abandon

Author: _Baliansword_

Rating: M for sexual content and adult situations

Warnings: A/H

Chapter: 7 of unknown

Summary: Alexander betroths Hephaestion's half sister Myrihne to Cassander, despite Hephaestion's protests. Yet when Myrihne arrives in Babylon, Hephaestion questions whether distancing himself from Alexander was the right decision.

Tagline: Is blood thicker than water?

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The absolute inability to let me thrive as my own individual was the only fault that I had ever found in Alexander that I could not and would not attempt to change. It was not that he did not trust me, but rather that he did not trust anyone else in the world and thought that keeping me close would protect me, when really he tended to suffocate me. I had long ago figured that it was not entirely his fault, but instead was just the distresses of having a rather awkward childhood. It made sense. His mother and father were not parents that he could trust because at any moment they would pit him against one another. It also did not help that his mother was cunning enough to have those she disagreed with killed, because it taught him that for the most inane reasons he could rid himself of relationships without worry, for after all he was king. So growing up he had wanted to shelter me, wanted to keep me away from others, and even now he wanted to watch my every move. Yet more importantly, he could not accept the fact that I could create and act out my own plans. He liked to meddle, liked to make sure that even if my plans did not include them he knew them or that he could find a way to become a part of them.

It was in knowing that he would attempt to linger near my room that night that I went to his room first and barred the door from the outside, leaving him no choice but to wait until it was unbarred or crawl over the balcony. He was foolish and after hearing no reply from the guards, who had been replaced with Ptolemy, Nearchus, Craterus, and Cassander, he would more than likely attempt to leap over the balcony. He'd done it before without hurting himself but I made sure to have guards posted there as well. They weren't told why they were there, and didn't need to be. They probably thought it was another one of my whims, which were often unexplained. The Companions, on the other hand, had very strict orders.

"Don't let him out," I told Ptolemy, whispering quietly so that Alexander could not hear from where he was dressing in his room. Ptolemy nodded and Cassander smirked.

"And if he threatens to have us killed?"

"He doesn't know who guards him," Nearchus concluded, winking at me. I agreed and hastily said a goodbye. I returned to my own rooms and prepared for the night, throwing on the first chiton that I found and strapping a dagger to my side. I took my sword as well, in case it was needed yet I hoped that it would not be necessary. By now Alexander was probably throwing a fit, pulling on the door to no avail and no hope of escaping. Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair as I entered the garden, all the while making sure that I looked suspicious of nothing. Instead, I stopped listening to every one of my warrior senses. I didn't seek out the shadows, didn't make sure to walk quietly, and attempted not to listen the sounds of footfalls.

Someone followed me, and I ignored it, but kept my hand on the hilt of the dagger at my side. I stopped and whirled on my feet, ready to face my attacker. However, no one stood before me. I turned again, this time listening to footfalls, and after a moment I looked to Alexander's balcony. Something was wrong; I had been in the garden too long not have heard another. Muttering a curse under my breath I returned to the hallways of the palace. I approached Alexander's room, scanning the hallway for others as I did so, but there were no others. Cassander leaned against a wall, holding his sword, and Ptolemy and Nearchus had sat down with their backs against the door. Craterus, on the other hand, was still looking out to the gardens.

"You'll have to answer about the door," Cassander told me, motioning to Alexander's barred room. "He would have broken through it were it not so thick."

"When did he stop complaining?"

"About half an hour ago," Ptolemy replied, crossing his arms over his chest. "We heard his scoot around a bit, but he must have just sat down. He's probably already aware that this has something to do with you."

"Open the door," I ordered, my heart sinking in my chest as we entered the room. Alexander was not in the sitting room, not in the bath, and not lying on his bed as Ptolemy would have hoped. Instead, he was gone. I rushed to the balcony, but there was no sign that he had attempted to crawl over. The guards that I had placed beneath the balcony looked up at me when I called out to them, and they said what I had feared. They'd not seen Alexander, but did admit that if they had looked away he could have crept away.

"Stupid fool," I muttered under my breath as I rushed back into the hallway, the other Companions following me. I ran, ran faster than I had in the Olympic Games that Alexander had jokingly entered me in last year. When I reached the gardens I was ahead of the other Companions by some length, but my chest ached and pulled so tightly upon me I felt like collapsing. I drug myself forward, dropping my sword in the process, but continued on, clutching my side and drawing near to the muffled cries that I heard.

Alexander lay on the ground, hands bound and gagged. I drew in a breath and went to approach him, but saw his eyes widen as I did so. Ignoring the signal that he had attempted to give, I took another step and suddenly was knocked to the ground with a force that sent my breath out of me. I rolled onto my back and lifted an arm, able to shove my wrist into the panther's mouth to keep it away from my neck. It tugged on its chain as it ripped away from my wrist, spraying my own blood on my face. As it went to attack again I kicked it hard in the gut and pulled myself away, noting the dagger in its hind quarters that had probably angered it. However, I knew that it was not Alexander's dagger or my own.

"Hephaestion…," Alexander tried to scream through the gag as I placed my hand on the hilt of my dagger. It was too late, someone kicked my knee from behind, knocking me to the ground. As I began to quickly push myself up I slid my dagger toward Alexander. He struggle to reach for it, but I knew he could. Rolling onto my back, I looked up at Myrihne, who stared down at me.

"Don't look for help," she warned. "I've locked the garden gates. Your friends are still trying to figure out what to do."

"Why are you doing this," I asked as she kicked me in the chest, keeping me pinned to the ground.

"Because I'm sick of living in your shadow. Do you know what it was like, living with you as a brother?" She laughed as she kicked me again, "Hephaestion is the king's consort. His best advisor. His friend. And what was I? I'm nothing because of you!"

"Hephaestion," Ptolemy screamed, and I heard him pulling on the gates. But it didn't matter. All I could do was stare up at Myrihne, and hear the same words echo in my mind…_Who knows why those we love betray us._ Over and over again she kicked me, and as I rolled onto my stomach I heard her unsheathe a sword. It had to have been Alexander's. I'd heard him unsheathe his sword a thousand times, knew it by sound, knew that it was Alexander that I heard struggling to cut through the ties that bound him. I heard him kicking at the ground, heard his muffled cries, and maybe that is what gave me strength. For before I could stop myself I pushed myself up and caught Myrihne by the wrist, snapping it with the force that I applied. I then took the sword, and in an instant became a tyrant, shoving the blade to the hilt into the gut. She cried out, her eyes holding nothing but hatred for me, and I released her and the sword. Both fell to the ground.

I looked at my hands. I could not tell where my blood began, and where Myrihne's blood blended in. My hands shook. They had never shaken, not even in the battles that I had been through. I couldn't help but stare at them, and as Alexander tore the gag away from his mouth and stepped in front of me, I didn't even notice him. I just saw the blood, endless blood. He reached for me, my King, my Alexander, but I shoved his arm away. I looked up at him, catching his eyes for just a split second, and then I walked away.

I don't know how I made it back to my room, but it didn't matter. My hand and arm was numb but I barred my door and collapsed against it, sinking to the floor. I had killed her, had killed her as if she were some enemy, when in truth she was my sister. She had always been my sister, the only memory I had of Pella, the only reason to go back. I glanced again at my hand, the blood that was seeping onto the floor, and I closed my eyes.

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"Break it down," I heard Alexander scream from outside of the door. I opened my eyes lazily and listened as another swing of the log pounded against the door. This time it began to splinter. I closed my eyes, wanting for them to leave, wanting Alexander to let me go, but I heard him shout out another order. The door splintered again, and again, and again. And then, I stared up at Alexander. He must have followed the trail of blood that had been left behind as I had drug myself to my bed. I blinked and then wet my lips with my tongue before speaking.

"Is she dead," I whispered, knowing the answer. He didn't have to say anything. I knew what I had done and I could see in his eyes as I asked that he did not want to have to tell me. He couldn't tell me. He was too busy touching every part of my body looking for wounds. I would have told him to go away, to let me go to Hades with blood on my hands, but I was so tired.

"Hephaestion," he gasped, his own hands shaking as he placed them on my cheeks. His entire body shook actually, and as my eyes focused I saw Cassander and Ptolemy standing behind him. Cassander approached, reaching for my numb hand, and began to throw a pitcher of water over it. I didn't feel it, but did hear the water hitting the floor and Cassander whisper a curse as he looked at the gouges in my hand and wrist.

"Don't kill him," I whispered, my free hand reaching for Alexander's, which was still over my cheek. "Don't kill him Alexander."

"Hephaestion!"

"Don't kill the panther," I said again, ignoring the pain in his voice. I held his hand for a moment, listening as I closed my eyes to the doctor rush into the room. He began working but then I heard Olympias enter with Cyllian in tow. The doctor was moved aside and Cyllian took over. I began to feel my hand again when he was stitching the wounds closed.

"Get out," Alexander ordered everyone when Cyllian was done. Olympias would have protested had she not heard the strain in his voice. I heard it, and I could barely hear anything. Cyllian must have pulled her away, because when I opened my eyes again, hours later, only Alexander was at my side.

He lay on the bed next to me, and I could see where he had been crying. I was careful not to disturb him as I lifted my hand. Someone had washed it, but the more that I stared at it the more I could see the blood. I titled my head and looked at the water and blood that was still on the floor. The crimson blood had strung out through the water, mixing the two together to make odd patterns. It led me to believe that perhaps blood wasn't thicker than water, that the two were equal, but who was I to conclude such a finding?

I turned my attention back to Alexander, who had dark circles under his eyes and worry lines on his forehead, tear stains on his cheeks. Carefully I shifted, turning on to my side so that my back faced him. I must have woken him, for he wrapped an arm around me then. I held my own arms tight against my chest and didn't dare touch him. I couldn't touch him.

"Hephaestion," he whispered, pulling hair away from my face. "Hephaestion I'm here. I love you."

"I killed her," I rasped, feeling the tears well up in my eyes as I began to cry. My body shuddered as my tears escaped me, but Alexander held on tightly to me. I repeated, "I killed her Alexander."

"No," he reassured me, "she killed herself when she went against you."

"But I killed her like she was some, some fiend I had met on the plains of battle," I cried.

"Shh," Alexander said soothingly against my neck. "Sleep, Hephaestion. Tomorrow, we'll talk about it tomorrow."

I looked at the cup on the stand next to my bed. I blinked. Something must have been put in it, some herb to soothe me, because even though I wanted to stay awake now I couldn't. My eyelids felt so heavy. I sighed, and felt Alexander holding me tightly. He continued to whisper into my ear as I drifted to sleep.

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A/N: As Always, please let me know what you think. Thanks for reading, it is much appreciated. Baliansword.


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Abandon

Title: Abandon

Author: _Baliansword_

Rating: M for sexual content and adult situations

Warnings: A/H

Chapter: 8 of unknown

Summary: Alexander betroths Hephaestion's half sister Myrihne to Cassander, despite Hephaestion's protests. Yet when Myrihne arrives in Babylon, Hephaestion questions whether distancing himself from Alexander was the right decision.

Tagline: Is blood thicker than water?

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I was unsure of how long I had slept for, but when I slowly began to open my eyes I felt the warmth of the sun shining on my back. Glancing over my shoulder I noted that it was mid-day, but of what day I was still unsure. Slowly I stretched my arm, my black and blue hand rather unattractive as well as painful, and pushed myself into a sitting position. As I did so the door opened and Bagoas entered, carrying a pitcher of water. He did not say anything, didn't even dare to look at me, but did as he had been told. He set the water down and then bowed slowly to me before turning around and making his way back to the door. I watched him go, unable to find anything at all to say to him, but I then glanced at the water. I was thinking about reaching for it when the door opened again. I wondered if there were guards outside meant to keep others out. But I retracted the thought when I saw Alexander enter, his golden hair flowing behind him with the speed of his step.

"When did you wake," he asked, looking around the room to see if there was anyone present. He then sat at the edge of the bed, leaning over to check my temperature. I was sure that plenty of physicians had done the same thing he was doing now while I was heavily medicated. He smiled down at me softly and removed his hand from my forehead.

"Do you want to discuss it?"

"No," I replied quietly, my throat burning from dryness. Alexander noted the sound and reached for my cup, but I placed a hand on his wrist, stilling him. He froze and looked back at me, his eyes gentle. I frowned slightly and let a tear escape from my eyes, and as it slid down my cheek Alexander wrapped his arms around me and held me for a moment. But he didn't say anything. I did not want to discuss it, and he respected my wishes.

"The men need you," I said, falling back against the fluffy pillows. Alexander shook his head, reaching out and lovingly taking my hand and placing his own over it. He rubbed the back of my uninjured hand with his thumb, something he only did when in deep concentration –thinking of things that he did not want me to know or be concerned with. He was thinking of what to tell me, I could see it in his eyes. I saved him from speaking.

"Did Cassander kill Apollo, the panther," I asked, knowing that Cassander had always had his eye on the large cat. He'd wanted it dead the first moment he had seen it, part of the reason I asked for Alexander to give it to me instead. If he ever had an opportunity, it would have been last night. And Alexander would have said nothing, probably would have congratulated Cassander behind my back if he thought that killing it would have protected me.

"No," he answered without hesitation, but instead with gentle reassurance. "I think he would have, had he not…," he stopped short. I knew what he wanted to say. Cassander would have killed Apollo had he not attempted to revive Myrihne, if even for questioning and a later execution. But he reached for my cup instead and filled it with water. He offered it to me, but I blinked away his efforts.

"Not now," I said.

"You need to drink," he insisted, taking a finger and dipping it in the cup. His finger wet, he then slid it over my lower lip. The cool water soothed my cracking, parched lips but did little to soothe the pain that I felt deep within. Alexander dipped his finger in the water again and ran his thumb over the back of my hand as he continued to try to tempt me to drink. I finally let him place the cup on my lower lip and I took two swallows of water. It wasn't what he had wanted, but he pulled the cup away and accepted that it was all I was willing to do.

"What did the physician say," I asked, referring to my hand.

"There are a few puncture wounds," he explained, lifting my aching hand in an attempt to show me. Because he was trying to be so kind I didn't let the exasperated gasp of pain escape from my throat. He then pointed out the wounds where the stitches were, "Here, here, and this one between the thumb and your first finger was the worst. But, all will heal fine. The color comes from clotting of the blood underneath the skin. It will go away in a few days."

"What has Cassander said?"

"Nothing," he answered, "same as all of the other Companions. No one blames you, Hephaestion."

"I do."

"It will pass," he whispered softly, kissing my forehead as a protector would. "It is not your fault Hephaestion. It was you, or it was Myrihne, and it is you that I am concerned with."

"I don't want to discuss it," I told him, tears falling down my cheeks once more. Alexander nodded and pulled away. He stood and I thought he was going to leave, but instead he went to the door and only called for Bagoas. Bagoas entered, never too far away from Alexander it seemed, and bowed once more before us.

"Draw a bath for Hephaestion," he commanded, though gently and slowly so that Bagoas would understand him. Bagoas nodded and then left the room, on his way to fetch the others that would help him fill the tub. I was about to protest before Alexander placed a finger over my lips. He then leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against my lips. I wanted to throw my arms around him and pull him close, just to hold him, just to know that he didn't blame me, but I was still groggy and didn't find a means to do so. Instead, I watched as he went and found me a robe for the bath, taking it and placing it out. He next went to my small closet and found a pair of Persian pants, which would be loose and comfortable. The next thing I knew, I was standing before the steaming bath with Alexander behind me, carefully pulling away my clothing. It did not take him but a few moments, having to remove only the loin cloth that he had left on when the physicians and Cyllian had left.

His fingers trailed over my skin, causing the hair to stand up on the back of my neck, and I shivered against his touch. Yet more importantly, I cried. It was is my eyes burned so badly that I could no longer hold back acid tears and as I turned to Alexander he knelt, wrapping his arms under my knees, and pulled me close against his chest. Carrying me down the steps and into the bath, still wearing his own attire, he sat down, still holding me in his arms. I clung to his neck like a lost child, sobbing into his shoulder, but if he minded he said nothing. Instead, he rocked me gently in his arms and held me tight, whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

"I killed her," I sobbed, still seeing blood on my hands when I looked at them. Alexander must have known, or felt them shaking, and took my hands in his own and held them against his chest.

"Hephaestion, look at me," he said, waiting for me to lift my eyes. When I did I didn't want to. I didn't want him to see the self pity in my eyes, or their bloodshot color, or even remember that I had killed my own blood.

"Hephaestion," Alexander insisted, "you are not to blame for what happened."

"I didn't have to kill her. I could have stopped myself…I…"

"What did you tell me at Gaugamela," he whispered. "Do you remember when I had blood on my hands and I asked you if you could ever look at me again?"

"It was different," I stammered.

"You said," Alexander went on, as if he did not hear me, "to me 'Alexander, I could not go a day without looking at you. I would be blind and still see only you'. Hephaestion, don't let her mistakes pain you. She helped weave her own Fate, but that doesn't mean that it ties to yours."

"She was my sister…"

"Then remember her as the young girl that we left in Pella," he insisted, taking my shoulders and lifting my head, wanting so very badly to take my pain from me. "In your memory she will always be the sister that you left behind, not the one that came here."

"I still see the blood on my hands," I whispered.

"Here," he said, taking my hands and dipping them beneath the water. He then took a bar of soap and carefully began to wash my hands, his fingers lacing with mine and then letting go. My hand stung as he carefully ran the soap over the stitches from the physician, but I held back my tears. I winced only once, and Alexander took a cloth and washed the soap away. He did this with both hands, making sure to linger on each finger, his thumb rubbing the top of each of my nails.

"No blood," he assured me as he lifted my hands out of the water and showed them to me. I nodded slowly, and pulled my hands away from him. I let them fall beneath the water and then I stared at him. He washed my hair next, his hands kneading my scalp soothingly. I tilted my head back for him and closed my eyes, thinking only of his touch. He ladled warm water over me, and then removed himself from the tub, his wet clothes allowing water to splash onto the floor. I smiled softly but still felt as if I was a murderer, a killer. Perhaps Alexander had come from an odd upbringing where his parents could sever relationships, but he'd never killed his sister. I had.

"Hephaestion," Alexander said calmly, pulling me from my thoughts. I took the hand that he had offered and he helped me out of the tub. He wrapped me in a towel and then kissed my cheek. He led me back to my bedroom after wrapping the robe over my shoulders and putting the silken Persian pants on. He then lifted me in his arms again and set me down on the bed in silence, saying nothing. I sat up against the pillows, of which I had always thought there were too many, and watched as he went back to the bath.

"You still have this," he smirked, holding up the brush that he had bought for me when we had first reached Meiza so many years ago. He'd given me at least a hundred combs since, but none quite as important as this one. The handle was worn so badly that where once there had been carved vines there only seemed to be small wear marks in the sides. You couldn't even tell what they had once been.

"I'll always have it," I answered. He chuckled to himself and then began brushing my hair, being horribly careful about it. There had been times where I would brush his hair, because it was always far more likely that he would pull more hair out than accomplish detangling it. But I felt better when he was near, less like the murdered that I was, and so I could not bring myself to ask him to leave. I closed my eyes, and as he brushed my hair, I fell asleep.

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"Alexander," I mumbled, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Slowly I looked around the room, unsure of where he would be. It was still early morning, and the sun had not risen, but perhaps he had left in the night and I had not noticed. I glanced at the drapes as they blew in the wind and sat up, pulling the robe right around my chest. Something had caught my eye, flapping in the breeze on the balcony. As I approached I noticed that my brush held the piece of parchment down. I grabbed the paper before the wind swept it away. I stared at the words for a moment before crumpling it in my hand.

Turning I ran to the door, pulling it open so carelessly that I collided with a column holding a bust of Athena as I burst into the hallway. I fell but scrambled to my feet as the bust shattered noisily on the ground. The two guards that were crumpled on the floor in front of the room didn't stir, the first sign that they were likely not alive. Yet as I scrambled to my feet and ran forward I slid in the pool of blood on the marble floor. Sliding down I felt my ankle twist and I shouted out a curse. Quickly attempting to lift myself again I made my way to the end of the hall, and as I leapt over another fallen guard I slammed directly into a hardened chest. I crashed back down to the floor and kicked out, ready to defend myself, but Cassander caught my leg. He appeared as startled as I at the dead guard, his own eyes wide, and he called out to Ptolemy and Nearchus, who were only shadows far behind. They ran forward as Cassander knelt beside me, reaching for my forearm and dragging me back up from the floor.

"Whose blood is it," Cassander asked even as I pressed the parchment wad into Ptolemy's hand. He shook me, not out of anger but to try to help me find my wits, and began to pull the robe away from my chest. He then reached out and wiped his hand over my bloodied cheek, searching for a wound.

"Zeus be damned," Ptolemy shouted, throwing the parchment onto the floor. His hand was on the hilt of his sword and as he shouted out to the newly arriving guards I caught my breath.

"Cyllian," I said allowed, heavy breathing forcing the name out in three parts. Cassander nodded and held me tight, forcing me against the wall so that I could not fall back to the ground.

"Find Cyllian," I breathed again.

"Go to the guest wing," Ptolemy ordered a guard. "Seek out Cyllian. If he is not there, find out if anyone saw him leave. You men, you three, get Olympias and take her to the opposite wing of the palace. I want ten guards on her, ten, do you understand?"

"Yes milord," one of the guards said, and they rushed off in a large group.

"Where would he take him," Nearchus asked, raking a hand through his curly hair.

"What the hell were you doing," Cassander shouted at me, shoving me into the wall and then letting my fall. He kicked me as I crumpled to the ground, winding me and likely breaking one of my ribs. He continued to yell though as Ptolemy and Nearchus grabbed at him. "You didn't even hear the bastard come in? Why did he choose you to be his protector? Get up, get up, I'm not done with you!"

"Stop," Ptolemy screamed, pushing Cassander away from me. "Stop it Cassander, it's not his fault!"

"Of course not," he spat as Nearchus helped me up. "Nothing is _ever_ his fault."

He walked away then, more than likely to set up his own search party. I coughed and leaned against the wall, my chest heaving, heart thudding in my ears. I stared at the opened parchment on the ground as the guard's blood seeped into the ink.

_Amyntor,_ it read, _shall loose his Alexander as I have lost Myrihne. _

"Get him under guard," Ptolemy ordered the newly approaching guards.

"No," I replied. "I have to find him. Ptolemy, get out of my way, or I'll force you out of it."

He knew all to well that moving would be his best bet. The last time that we had been in a similar situation, under very different circumstances, I had hit him so hard he was unconscious for a good ten minutes. Ptolemy lifted a hand and told the guards to move, for which I was thankful. I swallowed the pain in my chest, arm, ankle, heart, and ran down the hallway. I ran, and ran, and ran until I was running through the dimly lit streets of Babylon. I knew who could help me. I just didn't know where she would be.

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A/N: Dun, dun, dun….was that a cliffhanger? If it was and it makes you really, really upset I'm sorry. I'll be posting the next chapter soon. But let me know what you think. As always, I love readers, but I love readers who review more. Hope you enjoy, and hope to have you read the next chapter. (Go Shawn Johnson, you just won a gold for the balance beam! And Nastia Luiken got the silver! Wee hee!) Baliansword


	9. Chapter 9

Author: Baliansword

Title: ABANDON

AN: Sorry for the long delay in posting. I've had numerous illnesses and personal crises, as well as college, so this is the first chance I've had to update.

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The last time I can recall running so fast was when I was but a boy. My father, having befriended King Philip early upon his arrival to Pella, had begun to tire of my company -whether it due to my boyishness or his new found desire for Philip. On one day in particular he announced to my mother and I that he would be marching with Philip to some far off destination unbeknownst to me and that there would therein be the possibility that he would not return. My mother swallowed her tears until he left the next morning and while she remained inside, hiding her sorrow from the world, it was Amyntor's young son that cried out loud and raced out of the house to follow him. But my father had been on horseback, riding off into the distance with Philip and a small army of men, and though I had run until I could not breathe I never even began to catch up to him. Needless to say, he did not return, but I had found my comfort in Alexander.

"_He's never coming back,"_ I wailed as I pushed past the doors to his chambers and fell down at his feet. I had not cried, not until this moment. Alexander had sunk down beside me and wrapped warm arms around me; I had run through an angry thunderstorm in order to reach the palace at such a later hour. He then whispered his apologies against my damp hair as his hands rubbed my back gently. Even as I cried I knew that he did not know what to say, for which I was grateful. He was not like my mother who would lie and say things were fine, that my father would have wanted such a death. He was not like Philip, who had offered me to stay in Pella until I was old enough to follow in my father's footsteps. He didn't lie to me, didn't make believe, he only held me close.

"_Stay with me tonight,_" he whispered against my cheek as he kissed me gently. It was the first time that I had stayed the night. It was the first time that he and I had shared ourselves with the other completely. It was the first time that I had awoken in his arms. But more importantly it was the first, and last, time that I would ever fall in love.

"_Do you think that because Philip loved your father, it was destiny that I give my heart to you," _a young Alexander had asked me just four days after my father's death. We were lying on his balcony staring up at the stars and I had not thought much about my father 

since coming back for the second night. Yet I sensed his absence as Alexander wound a leg around my thigh and pulled me close, whispering in my ear that he was sorry for mentioning Amyntor so soon. But it was I who shook my head, brushing golden hair away from my prince and kissing his forehead, who told him that destiny did not exist.

"_Why don't you believe in such things,"_ Alexander asked, as if shocked that I did not completely find myself willing to base my life on a thread supposedly spun by some other individual's hands.

It did not matter what I had said to him, not as I thought about that very moment years later as I ran from the palace as if it were going to somehow grab onto me and hold me back. My chest constricted with each stride that I took and as I wove through the streets of Babylon I felt my aching body screaming for me to stop, but it was my heart that was louder. I needed to find the old crone, the one that had brought this prophecy to Alexander in the beginning. If there was any one individual that I believed would be able to help me at this moment it was her, and just because I could not understand her gift, or even accept it, it did not mean in that moment that I was not going to blindly do as she told me. It was a matter of minutes before I collapsed, falling in a swirl of dust to the ground. Coughing, I began to push myself up from the ground when I felt my chest tighten once more, pressure pressing against me from the broken rib that an angered Cassander had given me. But as I looked up to the sound of a faint humming I saw the old blind prophet and knew that all of my pain had been worth it to make it to this point, to come just a moment closer to Alexander, wherever he may be.

"Old woman," I began, but she raised a bony hand and put up a crooked finger, a warning for my silence. I swallowed my words and waited for her to utter anything, anything which would help me find the king. She held her hand out for a moment before letting it slowly fall back down to her side. Then I waited once more and watched as she pointed her wraith-like finger in a direction. I did not know where it led, especially considering that it was so far from the palace and the market, but I had managed to stand before her.

"If you go to him," she then said, "it will be almost certain that you will die. The one who holds the king has planned for you to come. He waits for you."

"I must go to him," I told her, moving past her and making my way down the alleyway. I could almost feel her presence as I continued on that path, but after a moment I glanced over my shoulder and there was no sign of her. It was as if she had never been there at all. But as I continued on my path I continued to think over what she had said. It was only logical that there would be some sort of trap awaiting me when and if I attempted to rescue Alexander, and on my own, no less. Muttering a curse under my breath I turned 

down a dimly lit alleyway and found, lying in a head with nothing but a wine skin in hand, a Persian guard sleeping not unlike a Macedonian guard would do when drunken into a splendorous stupor. Yet this was a good enough for me, for I reached down to the man's side and pulled away his sword and the two daggers that he concealed beside it.

I then went further into the twisting maze of buildings, until I found myself standing before a large, dark building made of stone. A soft light shun inside but I knew it shone only to tempt me to go beneath the ground and into the cellar that awaited me. Drawing a breath I took a step forward, but someone caught my arm before I was able to reach even the door.

"You can't go in alone," Cassander whispered, jerking my arm toward him as I attempted to pull away. He then placed a finger over his mouth and pointed behind him. Standing on the roof of a nearby shop was Ptolemy, a sword in his hand ready to tell the archers behind him to move forward. Cassander then motioned with his head behind him and I glanced at the small huddle of men that were ready to storm the building with us.

"What," he joked, "did you think that we couldn't follow your trail of blood from the palace to here?"

"Taking these men in will only endanger Alexander," I then replied, moving away from the door and to the side of the building. Cassander took a stance beside me and then motioned for Nearchus, who must have come from this huddle of men, to come forward as well. I restated my concern for Alexander as Nearchus approached, catching him up to speed on what needed to be known.

"What would you have us do," he then asked, running a hand through his sweat curled hair. He looked over his shoulder once more at the men that had huddled there and shook his head slowly, confused. But not as confused as Cassander perhaps, who had clearly come fully intent on launching a small scale war.

"I will go in first," I stated, shoving a dagger behind me and concealing it within the wardrobe. "I will find Alexander, and see if I can remove him myself. If I'm not back in ten minutes, send Cassander in first. Cassander, bring with you only a handful of men, not all of them. Nearchus, stay here and give Ptolemy ground support, should it be needed. And send someone for a physician now, as I am sure that one will be needed for the king."

"I will," Nearchus said, moving away to follow my instruction. I then turned my gaze to Cassander who nodded and went to say more, yet he stopped. Saying nothing I turned away from him and entered the darkness of the building.

"Alexander," I whispered, sword drawn. Perhaps there was something to say when it came to situations like these, when I would carelessly throw my life away if it meant saving Alexander. Not just love willed me to continue down the corridor, but I felt for the first time as if it was something else. What I could not say but I did note that my heart seemed to skip beats and my breathing seemed to stop the nearer I got to the muffled cried that I heard. But just because I had rounded the corner and had spotted Alexander did not mean that I could not hear the footfalls behind me as I approached him. I stopped as I felt the cold tip of a sword dig into my back, not to harm me, but to warn me.

"He is no longer yours, Hephaestion Amyntor," a very familiar voice stated from behind me. I would never understand Olympias' need for men. They always seemed to turn out like his, great betrayers that would gladly kill Alexander in hopes of gaining something. His sword bore into me now but I continued to stare at Alexander, who even now cried and thrashed at the ties that bound him. He was so desperate to protect me, as he had always been. Slowly I nodded at him, which only caused him to thrash harder. He knew me, knew that I would give my life for him, which only made it harder as I dropped the sword that was in my hand and collapsed to my knees. He meant to kill me and it had always been a trap, but so had love.

"Do it," I instructed the man behind me, and I listened as he drew back the sword in his own hand. I could see in the glint of my own sword, now on the ground, as he raised his hand backward. I could also see it in Alexander's eyes, the way that they bore into me as I continued to remain still. A moment passed and I placed my hand on the dagger that was kept at my side and firmly gripped it. There was still silence and just before my captor's sword sliced through my neck I swept my body to the side, falling onto my back, and I then shoved the dagger upward. It sunk deep into his side and I shoved it further upward, red blood spurting over my face. Alexander tugged on the binds that kept him as I shoved myself further to the side as Cyllian fell to the ground, his body still moving beside me as he tried to regain power over his sword. A hand pressed to his side he pushed himself up and looked for a moment as if he were about to say something. Instead he sunk back against the earth as Cassander approached from behind him, shoving him forward.

"Don't kill him," I instructed, pushing myself away from the ground and approaching Alexander carefully, still very aware that there could be some sort of hidden trap for me and my Companions. I paused and watched his eyes for a moment as he sunk down in his bonds and saw on a small table to his side the vial of what could very well have 

been poison. I then urgently rushed forward and grabbed Alexander in my arms as I freed him from his bonds. Holding him tight against me I carefully allowed him to sink to the ground with me. I titled his head back then and called for Cassander, who looked up from where he stood trying to bind the wound of Alexander's captor. He released the man though and upon my order went immediately to find the physicians that had been called for.

"Alexander," I muttered, holding him tightly. "Alexander, just a few more moments and they will be here. Hold on my king, hold on."

It seemed to take forever for the first physician to arrive, but when he did I suppose that I was glad enough. He reached for Alexander and immediately checked for his pulse, to see if indeed a potion had been used to subdue him or if perhaps he was just resting now. But he slowly began to shake his head and then dug in the bag that he carried at his side. Retrieving another vial he ordered me to open his mouth, which I carefully did and titled his head further back so that he would be able to drink. It made his sick, terribly sick, and soon he was held up by myself and the physician and was vomiting everything that he had ingested in at least the last two days. This, hopefully, would include the poison.

"Hephaestion," he muttered as he sunk back against me once more. I stared down at him and saw the pain etched and furrowed in his brows and soothingly swept the hair away from his face. Silence followed as he drifted off to sleep. I glanced up at the physician and he nodded at me.

"Give him some time," the man instructed, "and he will feel as if none of this happened. Come, let us get him back to the palace, and before he is in such a slumber that it will take you more than yourself and Cassander."

Cassander, returned now from taking news to Ptolemy who was no doubt going to bring a horse forward for the king, approached me and allowed Alexander to rest against him as well. And then came the wait, one which I had made plenty of times before, sleeping in a chair beside his bed with my hand over his, ever ready to sense the very slightest of movement from him. For a good three hours I must have waited before Ptolemy entered and told me that I should get some rest, hopefully more than I was getting. Yet I shook my head.

"When he wakes," I whispered and Ptolemy silently took the chair beside me. I knew what he was going to say before he did. He vowed that he would come and wake me as 

soon as Alexander woke but again I shook my head. I was not going to abandon him, not now.

"You are injured as well noble Hephaestion," Ptolemy warned, seemingly looking me over. I nodded unintentionally but still remained at Alexander's side. I wondered if I were in this bed would he have left me at the beckoning of others. Perhaps, and I would not blame him for he was king and would be needed by his men. Yet I would not be needed, not as he would be.

"Go rest Hephaestion."

"I am resting here."

"I will wake you," he assured me once more.

"I can't sleep," I stated again, this time my voice a bit firmer. He looked over at me and in silence then looked back to the king. What was he to do but leave me there? He remained for a good hour and I did not blink once, but when he left I felt my eyes growing tired. I breathed in, and slowly I felt my eyes closing. Just as I had before, getting Alexander in to this mess, I drifted away to the land of dreams.


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